chav

a uk term similar to “white trash” in the us describing an increasingly large segment of society.used initially to describe poor people on benefits/welfare trying to “fake” affluence in a vulgar and tacky way, it has evolved to describe all such people independent of income level.
you are a chav if;
– you adopt fashion whether or not it suits you or is appropriate
– you wear too much make up usually trying but failing to hide bad skin
– you have a tramp stamp,are vagazzeled or have lips injected so you look like a trout
– you wear lots of often orange make up frequently to try and cover up bad skin
-you drive a bmw or range rover that you can barely afford,lease and are typically one late payment away from

repossession.
– you talk about “fine dining” and consider a holiday destination more than 3 hours away “exotic”
– you think fake tans,new t-ts and logos will make you feel better about yourself.
– your clothes are a couple of sizes too small but your handbag is much too large and with an even bigger logo.
-you think wags and reality tv people are stars

me yo

proppa chavette

n wat ma chav boo tosh

chav-box

!i!i baby-bell n barbie buzzin 05 !i!i oh yesssa

skinner

a cl-ss chav and his chaved up scooby

me n ma boo

celebrity chavs

a typical cav-mobile aka a chaviot

chav !!!!!
picture this a young lad about 12 years of age and 4 ½ feet high baseball cap at ninety degrees in a imitation addidas tracksuit, with trouser legs tucked into his socks (of course, is definitely the height of fashion). this lad is strutting around, f-g in one hand jewellery al over the over, outside mcdonalds acting as if he is 8 foot tall and built like a rugby player, when some poor unsuspecting adult (about 17/18) walks round the corner wanting to go to mcdonalds for his dinner glances at the young lad, the young lad jumps up in complete disgust and says “whats your problem? wanna make sommin of it? bling bling” when the adult starts to walk towards the young lad, the young lad p-sses himself and runs off to either his pregnant 14-year-old girlfriend or his brother in the army crying his eyes out.
my mate has become a chav what can i do? answer is shoot him before it is too late
derived from chatham in kent, this term can be applied loosely to every culture with a nasty, thieving element. there are many variants of this creature but all are subject to the following commonalities:

chavs are completely amoral, having never been subjected to right and wrong by their inattentive, uncaring and often absent parents.

chavs are part magpie, evidentially supported by their love of all things shiny, or as vaccuous, illiterate street-slang would say ‘bling’. they can be seen twokking from the jewelry counter in argos/index.

whatever their ethnic background, chavs have a built-in affinity to hip-hop/r&b, even if they are inherently racist (see the scottish). they see their life as glamorous and cool.

chavs are for the most part, extremely stupid. however, some of them render a form of low cunning, which can be misinterpreted as intelligence. however this is false. a chav has no desire to better themself through honest means nor learn anything outside of car modification.

all chavs think that they are nails. again, this is false. sitting in a beaten up nova smoking lamberts does not precipitate a healthy body. the irony being that a chav owns mainly sportswear, yet will only break a sweat if running from the police.

chavs are incredibly fertile beasts, and are highly successful breeders. where they come unstuck is having to look after the offspring which their 13 yr old drunken fumble produces. more often that not the child will crow to be a chav, having received no more guidance on life than the parent.

chavs have a fond love for cars, as well as a vin diesel fixation. rather than buy a nice car to start with, a chav will spend all their dole and tax-free labouring cash on upgrading a 10 year old car with 200,000 miles on the clock. the end product will invariably be a luminous monstrosity with at least one serious collision to it’s name.
come back with my b-mper, you f-cking chav thief.
chav – sub species of human

commonly thought to be of inferior intellect, the chavette surprises us with its cunning plan to avoid taking up a professional career and provide itself with free accommodation supplied by tax payers by sp-wning multi coloured mini chavs at a early stage in life, usually mid teens.
clearly recognisable by their distinctive tribal burberry they congregate in town centres and on street corners, chavs have a reputation of being creative with public property and motor vehicles, building themselves chaviots out of mechcano sets and strip lighting, and providing us with humorous banta written on toilet walls like ‘sh-t’ and ‘tasha woz ere’ in an attempt to relieve our boredom while urinating.
their language is a basic form of english thus avoiding any words they cannot spell or pr-nounce, even to the extent of creating new words only they know the meaning of.
hunting in large groups chavs will single out the weakest, smallest prey and attack it without mercy avoiding any personal injury and insuring victory.
chavs unfortunately don’t yet fall into the category of rodent and in effect cannot be bludgeoned to death under the guise of pest control. darn!-
i think i speak for everyone when i say thank you chavs for the great contribution you’ve made to this country, you’ve made it what it what it is today – a sh-t hole.
also see: burdon on society.
chavs are r-t-rds who think that they’re rebels and also think that their local mcdonalds is a 5-star restraunt.

male chavs wear clothes and jewellry which come from a market, they have a att-tude problem and smoke since the age of 11.

female chavs wear tight trousers and when they sit down they’re thongs show, have fake blonde hair as straight as an ironing board or they have the “croydon face-lift”, they lost their virginity at the age of 14, they have a att-tide problem and they have really really bad teeth.

chavs also use stupid words such as “safe” or “mint” or “y’wot?” or “quali’ee” or my favourite “innit” what are they trying to say?, it’s like trying to communicate with a dog.

you usually find them in your local bus stop or your local town.
in my local area they’re are loads of chavs
chav can be a noun, verb or an adjective. as in “you sh-tty sc-m chav”, or “hey i like the way you have chavved up ya car/wardrobe/lifestyle/language” etc.

the origins of the word itself are unclear and there are a few theories, perhaps all of them correct. nonetheless, the current criteria for being a chav applies as laid out in this dictionary and no doubt, as culture dumbs-down even more, the definition will need to be updated. chavs will no doubt eventually, despite their in-bred lack of intelligence, cotton-on to the fact that burberry and it’s current -ssociations foster great hatred and negativity amongst the majority of the population. this factor however, could backfire, as chavs could consider the perpetuation of hatred and negativity as a great contribution to humanity, even if it is directed towards themselves from others.

the most recent example of a celebrity chav is kenzie in big brother. (i can’t remember the name of the boy-band he is in – so uncool – but i know it had the word “crew” or “squad” whatever, in the name). in fact, kenzie actually said “no” initially to being in the bb house, but when he thought long and hard about it, decided to say yes as the word “brother” as in, “bruv-va” or “bruv” for short, sounded cool and he thought it would really do wonders for his street-cred. kenzie is actually white, but to see his clothes and hear him speak, you would think he is black.

chavism represents a cultural link with the trailer park trash in the states which is actually a sub-culture of black america. they both inspire each other. the lower the common denominator they appeal to, the cooler they are! both of these cultural factions are represented by the highly evolved people picked to appear on the “jerry springer” show. due to the speed of the transmission of information in modern times ex. internet, tv etc, cultures very quickly pick up bits from other cultures, bounce off each other, and this happens at such a rate that no-one exactly knows who originated what. but as society has evolved, and that is the key word, “evolved”, chavism did not happen overnight but evolved as culture dumbed-down and it became clear that it was not “cool” to aspire to anything other than basic animal appet-tes (for junk food, s-x, cheap bling etc). perhaps devolved is a better word!

jordan is the ultimate aspiration of female chavs. she is actually much more stupid than the average chavette which is why they (chavettes) admire her so much. she is actually now trying to pull herself out of the chav-pit she has made for herself by writing a book about herself, no doubt mostly really ghost-written by someone else, paid for from the proceeds of all the modelling jobs she has done which evolve around her flubber-inflated chest (but isn’t she a great business woman- f-ckin what?), and is trying to appear in “serious” programmes such as book award ceremonies. unfortunately, she is still seriously boring as she has neglected her mind in favour of her chest , hoping that the more silicone she has pumped into those t-ts, the more self-esteem and intelligenceshe will attain and therefore rather than work hard and learn, just go see the surgeon again. easy!! her t-ts have now become self-funding ent-ties (get it?) in their own right.

so my good friends, that is my input.
chavette 1 – i nikked dis ‘ello mag from da doc’s….it’s got jordan and peter pics innnit!

chavette 2 – wikked innit….didja get ya tablets sorted for dat smell c-mming from ya minge?
oh the simple chav, what a constant source of amus-m-nt you are!
chavs are the dregs of human existence. they live merely to p-ss everyone else off with their love of cr-p clothing and manky gold jewellery.
they have taken the wearing of tracksuits and baseball caps to a new level of pikieness.
chav girls (or chavettes) commonly sport the croydon facelift (hair pulled back in a bun so tight that it pulls their faces tight) with at least 6 dangly faux-gold earings in each ear. also often seen pushing a pram round shopping centers while chain-smoking and wearing fake burberry or nasty velour tracksuits. a favourite accessory is a hideous gold articulated clown dangling from a thick gold chain around their pimply acne scarred necks.
male chavs hang around in gangs spitting alot and trying to start fights with small children or anyone else that they could easily overpower (which really is just small children!). once they are of driving age they obtain a clapped out old nova or metro and then spend a fortune (no one knows where this money comes from, it is one of the many mysteries of the chav) “maxing it up” with big wheels, sound systems and a huge “w-nker pipe” exhaust. chavs can be seen in any copy of max power magazine proudly displaying their efforts at automotive design – t-ss-rs !!!
look at the 20 inchers on me nova, it’s well phat innit! bling bling!
they are the sc-m of the earth…need i say more????
filth hanging outside mcdonalds in large groups attempting to look remotely intimidating.

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