child support

the thing you have to sign up for nine months after you came early.
“i came early in my girlfriend today. creampie!” -rick

“ask me how it feels in nine months when she’s paying child support.” -wilson

“nah, she’s getting an abortion.” -rick
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a support plan for a parent (always the father regardless of the situation) to help with expenses of their children after divorce. unfortunatly, it is based on laws written when mothers could not enter the workforce, and had no way to provide for their children. it is necessary for parents that do not have joint custody, but these days with split (50 – 50) custody, women are still awarded child support, for some unknown reason, and still b-tch about it on a daily basis. along with their alimony payment, its a potential windfall taking a year or so to plan out. generally, a child support seeker does this multiple times and ends up having 6 kids from 3 different fathers, and no longer has to work. of course she is still unhappy, wonders why she is alone, and how did she manage to pick three losers in a row??? to help with her self esteem issues, she refers to the ex towards her children as dead beat dad!. this makes her feel superior, influences the kids (until they get older and realize mom was never anything more than a life support system for a p-ssy in the first place and never really contributed anything to society other than helping stimulate the economy with someone elses money.) as time goes on, and child support and alimony payments dry up, they are forced to attempt to enter the work force again, only to find that you can’t get a job that pays you to do nothing but b-tch and sit on that ever expanding -ss watching soap operas all day. their job experience consist of working at mc. donalds when they were 16, and a professional waste of life from the date of marrige to present.
ex wife: i need some extra money for the kids dr. appointment this week.
ex husband: i dont understand. i have the exact same expenses you do, we share the kids 50 – 50, and i pay you child support and alimony on top of that. then i have to split all medical bills too.
ex wife: you are such a piece of sh-t! your a loser!
ex husband: you are getting all the money from me that you are going to get!!!!
ex wife: why wont you work with me on this? im trying to communicate with you?
ex husband: sounds like you need to get married and divorced again so you can get even more of a free ride! you have 5 kids, 2 ex husbands and an ex boyfriend, dont have a job, and are a waste of carbon!!!
ex wife: sob, sob, sob. blah, blah, blah.
ex husband: gotta go get ready and pack for my vacation with my kids and my new hootche mama. do you wanna talk to the kids?
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a sometimes elusive form of income that single mothers seek from their sperm partner. the amount paid out is usually determined by the sperm donor’s income. if you are careless, and work a mediocre job, your paychecks will look terribly rediculous due to the obstraction of child support payments given to the mother through the welfare system. child support can rage from $50 a week per child if you are blue collar, up to $60,000 a month per child if you are an entertainer or a professional athlete.
however, lack of child support can easily land you in jail, and make your children’s mother(s) very nasty and resentful.
larry played professional basketball. his financial success gave him the instant shaq appeal. in a span of 12 months, he fathered 7 children by seven different women and had to pay $15,000 per month per child due to a judge’s rulling.
larry tore up his knee and lost his basketball career and endors-m-nts. he now works at a car wash and takes home $87 dollars a week after taxes and child support payments.
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another way for a woman to strap on her rubber p-n-s and screw you with no rubber or grease…also see f-cked and ruined
friend 1: “man, my ex-wife just hit me with that d-mn child support!”

friend 2: “well…there are always h-tmen for hire…”
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n. money garnisheed from a father’s salary check to help support his children.
kiersten was so excited to see tyrone with a child support check (the first in six months), she decided do him a favor and go to bed with him, only to find out later he had impregnated her again.
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1) a good idea when 2 parents want to create children, but only 1 wants to raise them.

2) a bad idea when both parents want to spend equal time with the children.
1) i’m glad tyrone pays child support. he dated gladys, pumped & dumped her, and has never bothered to see tyrone jr.

2) bethany has the kids, but, no job. eric hardly ever gets to see his kids. he is forced to pay lots of child support money, but he doesn’t get to enjoy his children.

i think equally shared physical custody & no child support should always be encouraged by the courts, and only parents who don’t want to take their children should have to pay child support.
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when a parent calls one of his/her children for help when -ssistance is needed with a computer, cell phone, dvr, etc.
my mom couldn’t remember how to open her email so she called me for child support.
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the lesser of two evils, the other being actually raising your own kids.
father: i told my wife she could either give me a bl-w j-b or get out. she took the kids and left. later she realized what a mistake she’d made and returned the kids.

father’s friend: at least you don’t have to pay child support.
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