Chino Wanker

the chino w-nker has been a common species amongst the uk youth since around 2010. they are aged between early-to-mid teens and early 20s, and are especially common on university campuses.

usually, a chino w-nker…

– wears chinos, vans and vintage tees, as well as jack wills, hollister and abercrombie
– thinks any mainstream autotuned music, such as nicki minaj, rihanna and chris brown is the be-all, end-all of music
– frequents the sh-ttest, soulless clubs that play nothing but pop cr-p
– describes anything that occurs which is slightly humorous as “banter”. it doesn’t even need to fit the actual proper definition of banter
– describes person who does slightly humorous things as “a lad”
– thinks they are the epitome of macho, despite dressing like a member of one direction
– idolises joey ess-x and mario “ladotelli”
– posts really sh-t anecdotes about how wacky and laddish they are on sites like unilad.
– objectifies the female gender. the only references they’ll ever make to women is talking about which “wench” they “smashed” or really sh-t unfunny jokes about kitchens and sandwiches
– watches comedy programmes with basic humour like inbetweeners and big bang theory
– occasionally some chino w-nkers are edgy and prefer leftfield indie like the vaccines and ed sheeran.

if you are reading this definition and all these sound like they describe you to a tee, then congratulations! you are a chino w-nker!
chino w-nker dictionary:

banter – something funny which has occured.
lad – person who does or says something humorous
lash – partic-p-ting in the consumption of alcoholic beverages
swag – the favourable image one has when they wear hollister
totes – most definitely
onnittttttt – the decision to attend a social gathering, with consumption of alcoholic beverages
wench – a member of the female s-x.
hanginggggg – the undesired feelings and sensations after the previous evenings festivities.
emosh – to be in touch with one’s emotions.
hilar – something which amuses the chino w-nker.
smash it – to engage in an activity with a positive, sometimes incredible, outcome
yolo – a philosophical outlook on the decision to do something which is unpredictable.

if you use any of these terms, then i am afraid to say that you are an irritating c-nt.
a vile human being who originally was a huge chav maybe a week ago, but then suddenly purchases a pair of chinos and possibly an optional hollister shirt which replaces the traditional adidas tracksuit, and then suddenly presumes they are an “indie kid”: they’re not mainstream in the slightest, and “totally unique” from everybody else. although seeing as most chavs are adopting the chino w-nker style, it is becoming pretty mainstream.

chino w-nkers are commonly more annoying than actual chavs themselves; they are louder, c-ckier, walk even more like a d-ckhead, pretend to be drunk as an excuse to act even more like a tw-t, shout at everyone who isn’t also a chino w-nker like them, and are just a general threat to rest of the human population.
”mad dez”: “alright der mikey lad, lovin dem chino’s got pair from topman the other day like, der well comfy arent de!”

mikey: “yeah, yeah, proper nice yano feel like a new person yano,”

-the group see a person who is wearing a bandshirt that is fairly mainstream and isn’t beige-

“mad dez”: “ey you f-ckin gimp ahahahah look at you you f-ckin moshaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”

socially acceptable person: “f-ck off you chino w-nker, go and crawl back to your chav slum”

“mad dez”: “wa”