Christian Side Hug

a form of greeting promoted by some christian groups in which two parties hug by wrapping one arm around the shoulder of the other person, as if posing for a photo, rather than the traditional “front hug,” or wrapping both arms around the shoulders or waist from the front. the motivation behind the side hug is that frontal hugs allow the two parties’ crotches to touch, apparently emulating s-xual activity.

while the christian side hug has been promoted for a few decades, it came to the attention of the internet with a much-ridiculed youtube video posted in november 2009, in which a christian rap group attending the 2009 encounter generation conference, a christian youth conference, performed a rap song explaining the merits of the side hug. the video’s unintentionally humorous message, lyrics, and the behavior of the performers (including mock gunfire and police sirens contradicting the christian message of the song) made it an internet sensation, much to the embarr-ssment of christians.

debate ensued over how serious the song was intended to be. the writer and lead singer explained that the song was meant to parody overly protective christian ideas. however, both the lyrics and the eg conference’s website clearly state that anyone caught “front hugging” will be removed from the event, calling this claim into question. regardless, the video has already become extremely popular on youtube and has sp-wned several spoofs.
guy: hey babe, what’s up? wanna go back to my place?
girl: nah, gimme dat christian side hug instead?
guy: i’m dumping you.
to engage in -n-l s-x while spooning in order to maintain one’s virginity.
we’re waiting until we’re married . . . but that doesn’t stop us from a little christian side hugging!
2nd base for a christian
toby: hey babe, wanna get to second base at my place?
shelby: umm..im a christian

toby: oh. well then lets christian side hug?
shelby: i told you im a christian
an evangelical non-greeting in which both parties express their mutual disdain for their bodies and the g-d who created them.
mike: do you want to have premarital s-x times with me?

jane: no, i do not (christian side hug) thank you.

mike: no, thank you.
yes, g-d wants us to be comp-ssionate and kind and tender with each other. not only that, but he wants us to love our enemies and serve our neighbors. as long as there is no body on body action. i’m talking of course about a “full frontal hug,” one of those sinful abominations where you just wrap your arms around a friend and embrace them. that’s why christians the world over have pioneered the “side hug.” in the side hug there’s no risk of two crotches touching. instead of face to face, you go side to side, putting your arm around the person and your hip against their’s. still having a hard time mastering it? pretend you’re taking a photo and you’re both looking at the camera together. the side hug, or a frame as it is also called, is safe for the whole family, friendly and above all holy. i don’t know the exact scripture reference but try the book of psalms. that book is huge.
have you seen jon acuff’s new post about christian side hugs?
yeah! hilarious!
to intentionally screw someone over.
“the dealer that sold me the oregano, really christian side hugged me.”

“that con man is a real christian side hugger.”
a s-xual position involving 2 women, one asian and wearing rubber boots and gloves, the other wearing gaiters, 3 men, one of which is not latino yet still named jesus. the two non-jesus men backwards-360 cowgirl the 2 women and jesus sidehugs them all.
so apparently, these christians just can’t stand normal s-x any more… once they try the christian sidehug, they never go back