CIA

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man- hey ‘cia’ to your left
29 more definitions
the pleasurable practice of -ss f-cking to completion; hence – c-m in -ss
chongo: “so how was your gfe last night?”
mono: “that ho let me do both the cia and cim to her! i guess you can say i atm’d her! you should try it, but be warned, ymmv!”
the central intelligence agency of the united states, formed in 1947 to conduct foreign intelligence collection, covert action, and counterintelligence operations abroad.
the cia is also responsible for providing finished intelligence to u.s. policymakers.
(central intelligence agency). an organization designed to report international secrets, foreign time bombs, counterespionage and covert operations (here and overseas). many suspect they are involved in clandestine conspiraces ranging from ufo’s to 9/11. (who’s to know? tenet’ll tell you.) they are often thought of as akin to the fbi; though they may have external differences, the cia~fbi mission relationship does exist similarly regulation-wise with the purpose of national security.
an agent: a trenchcoat with a pocket watch. usu. seen with manila folders, italian-tailored shoes and tinted windowed cars. an example of the organization would be britain’s mi6, israel’s mossad, russia’s fsb/soviet’s kgb.
central intelligence agency. while the fbi handles domestic affairs and the atf burns people in waco, the cia works overseas. their job is similar to kgb, mi6, nsa, and mossad.
but unlike mossad, the cia is one of the most f-ckup-pr-ne “intelligence” agency seems to be unable to handle anything without a huge f-cking mess.

story # 1: iran and the shah
the nation of iran after world war 2 was doing fine. there was a moderate, elected president running the country. there was money. there was peace. but he was officialy a socialist according to the cia so we went and overthrew him for a dictator called the shah. this of course p-ssed the iranians off, and in the 80’s the ayatollah started a radical islamic revolution, took our emb-ssy hostage for a year, and america’s crisis in the middle east had officialy started.

story #2: the bay of pigs
fidel castro is a communist. the cia doesn’t like commies in their ‘hood, so the best course of action seemed to be training about 1000 cuban boat people who fled cuba after having supported castro’s enemy, arm them, and plan to send them over on ancient battleships dating back to 1940, with some tiny air support, and have them conquer a nation of 20 million that had mostly given castro’s revolution popular support. so one fine day, in a d-day reenactment that would give any ww2 vet a heart attack, this imposing force stormed the beaches at this place called “bay of pigs.” the few us airplanes supporting the -ssault got shot down, one of the boats sank, and the rest of the soldiers made it ash-r- and held out for a while before one of the worst m-ss surenders in us military history
following this were many attempts to kill fidel with exploding cigars (the cigars were noticed to be strangely heavy), a poisoned scubadiving suit (did nothing at all), spear-gun him while he was swimming (the spear-gunner drowned), stab him with a poisonous pen (the guy doing this turned out to be kgb), etc. castro has survived for 40 years since, outliving 5 us presidents and che.

story #3: nicaragua
what do you think when you hear the word “nun?” if you’re thinking “danger, must destroy” you’d make a good cia agent. in nicaragua during the 80’s contras(our guys) were fighting the sandinistas(their guys), there was an order of nuns that went around in war-torn sandinista villages trying to help restore something resembling order. they couldn’t go to the contra villages, you see, because the sandinistas controlled the country. but no matter, nothing wins the hearts and minds of the people like a group of us-equipped thugs kidnapping/shooting/raping nuns. another little episode was the murder of bishop oscar romero while he was saying m-ss on easter morning in the cathedral in front of his entire congregation.

story # 4: panama
the dictator of panama, manuel noriega, was a cia agent and smalltime drug dealer. long story made short: we come after him, they kill some of us, we kill some of them, and our disgraced agent is busted.

story # 5: operation iraqi freedom
without a doubt the biggest f-ckup since

story # 6: the vietnam war
the cia is actively working to protect you from nuns and bishops and far away countries you didn’t know existed with scary names day and night.
the second worst federal agency after fema.
“criminally insane americans”.
there’s no example for this word. it’s one of those abbreviations you use to annoy and confuse random people.
possibly the worst f-cking alphabet agency you’ll find. they plunked $9 million (1973 dollars) into getting salvador allende out of office, but were too godd-mn stupid and it took a junta with half the iq of a cia agent to overthrow the government. any successes they have, they fall -ss backwards into. they were put in charge of “interrogating terrorists,” but did more to p-ss off the arabs and turn non-terrorists into actual terrorists once they got out of gitmo.

gives more ammo to a radical imam than an al-qaida video of an abrams tank getting blown up to the sound of a muezzin giving the adhan.

acronym for “can’t instigate anything.”

the worst waste of money in this country besides bush jr’s presidential pension.

the place where people who can’t get into the state department or fbi go when they fail the entrance exams.
i heard the cia gave the prince of jordan a bunch of new york hookers in the 70s to keep king hussein on our side.