clusterfuckfaceometer

(n) the device used to report the “feels like” data on the weather channel.

different from scientific calculations, such as wind chill or heat-index, the cl-sterf-ckfaceometer produces a much more sensational and easy to understand value. it is usually composed of 6 to 10 (but not more) people of little importance to the weather channel. this includes interns, -ssistants, or even the odd mailman that walks in at the wrong time. this group of people is then herded outside with no instruction. the first number within 100 degrees of the actual temperature, shouted out by a member of the aforementioned group, is then recorded.

if the process is taking too long, a meteorologist will often ask someone to shout out the balance of their bank account.

after this exercise, the cl-sterf-ckfaceometer is then herded back inside to resume their other normal tasks.
jack: “holy cr-p, feels like a hundred degrees out here!”

joe: “your wrong! the weather channel told me it feels like 86.37 degrees out here. they just cast out their cl-sterf-ckfaceometer.”

jack: “well that’s a pleasant improvement, yesterday they told me it felt like 86.94 degrees, and boy were they right!”

zachary: “… what an asinine measurement.”