Cold Stone

an ice cream place that is taking over small towns everywhere. it’s the equivalent of starbucks. the lines are so long it takes about half an hour to get something. it’s ridiculously expensive and the employees sing obnoxious songs when you tip them. it’s sooo yuppie.
i’m so bored… lets go to cold stone.

dressed like this! i have to go wh-r- up first, everyone i know will be there!
during intercourse, you c-m all over a females face and follow up with a hand full of rainbow sprinkles.
i had an excess of toppings but a lack of ice cream, so i cold stoned that b-tch.
a ice cream place where they add anything you want while mixing the ice cream on a cold surface
i get brownies and french vanilla ice cream at cold stone
literally the easiest, yet most annoying job on the f-cking planet earth.

unless you’re funny as sh-t, my enthusiasm fails to see the light of day.

to the customers who complain: let me tell you this, and please think about. you’re complaining about ice cream. i’m not building you a house, selling you a car, or cooking you an expensive diner. i’m making you ice cream. you ordered it, so don’t come screaming to me yelling “i’m gonna call the cops, this is robery. your prices are too high!” oh, i’m sorry lady, i forgot that you can’t read our prices.

to the customers who lack common sense: you’re not much better than the customers who compalin. for real, you have eyes for a reason. don’t ask me what sizes we have when they’re right in front of you. don’t ask me what our prices are, when they’re right in front of you. and most certainly don’t ask me where the napkins are, when (you guessed it) they’re right in front of you. don’t ask me if we serve ice cream. if you ask something as dumb as that, don’t expect a very educated answer from me. yes, the ice cream names are dumb as sh-t, but my five year old cousin can pr-nounce them better than you can.

anyway, besides the dumb-ss customers, working at coldstone is pretty baller. take as much ice cream as you want when you work, and have deep meaningful conversations about life, with your fellow co-workers. blast music when no one comes in, and plot your next awesome way to playfully mess with customers.
dumb-ss question
customer-“do you guys have ice cream?”
me-“no, we sell cars here.”

customer (walks into coldstone)-“are you guys open?”
me-“no, the door’s open and all the lights are on for no reason.”
when you sh-t like a beast till day break
i was cold stoneing all night i drank x-lax