Coldstone Creamery

one of thee most easiest jobs ever created, yet somehow people get fired like crazy. we sing, we make ice cream, and we sit around and do nothing.
come here, and say something stupid, we’ll make fun of you for a week.
we hate having customers, yet they like coming here.
they ask us stupid questions. we give them stupid answers.
we don’t care your ice cream is melting, so please don’t tell us.
we could really careless if you like what you’re eating, we just want to go home.
we don’t sell half of the things you ask us for, and most of us are sick of hearing you idiots ask us about it.
our boss is a jew b-st-rd, who’s not even jewish.
but is one of the most jewish people we’ve ever met.
our manager is a child molster and pedo.
tell him your cold, he’ll turn the air lower.
our -ssistant manager is also a pedo and around the clock pot head.
everyone else who works here might as well have an iq of 5.
except for a select few.
overall we hate our job, but we do it anyway cause we need the money.
and if you come in, we’ll give you a fake smile here and there, but don’t expect it all the time.
welcome to coldstone, you douche bag.
customer: “why is my ice cream melting?!”
us: “because it’s ice cream.”

customer: “do you sell coffee?”
us: “what do you think?”

customer: “why are you called coldstone creamery?”
us: “i don’t know, i’ve been trying to figure out that since i’ve got a job here.”
an ice cream store where employees sing every 4 minutes, oversize your order and -ssume that you will be back the next day to pay them more money for their overpriced product. kneading ice cream on an extremely cold slab of marble while adding in things such as candy bars, chocolate chips and even strawberries to your order is their specialty. coldstone creamery also markets smoothies, milk shakes, cakes and pint to gallon tubs of their very own ice cream that you can take home in order to place yourself into a comatose state.
“we’ll see you back tomorrow teehee!”
probably that best option when going out for ice cream. you get exactly what you want down to what type of bowl you want it in. you usually get great service and happy people to serve you, but what happens in the back?

we literally just sit when there is absolutely nothing to do

we have very deep and meaningful conversations

have gummy bear and m&m fights when your boss/manager isnt working

make fun of the ridiculous customers we just helped, you think you did nothing wrong? haha guess again you idiot!

feel free to give us a tip but dont expect a song, we arent trained monkeys that bow to yuor every whim.

dont complain because you really cant, you ordered the d-mn thing. unless you know theres a hair in it…

dont complain about prices because once again, you ordered it.

i know we have funny names for our ice cream creations but come on guys, some of them are just your inability to read.

if we ask you a question like what size, dont say 2 scoops because you look like a dumb-ss, our sizes are right in front of your face.

we really just want you order your d-mn ice cream and leave so hurry up deciding. like seriously you dont even know what your in the mood for?

the latest you should come in to get ice cream is about a half hour before we close. unless you want to get dirty looks the whole time and an overpriced order! just kidding i only did that once

other than those few things, enjoy your ice cream
customer “can i have a love it cookie monster”

employee” haha yeah of course you can have a cookie minster”

“why does your icecream look melty”
uhm its ice cream in the summer?

oh i just love going to coldstone creamery!
the best ice cream store ever. you can order whatever you want and they will mix your ice cream flavor with whatever candy, fruits or nuts you want to make the only real “custom ice cream”.
lets go to cold stone creamery tonight and get great f-cking ice cream.
an ice cream store where employees sing every 4 minutes, oversize your order and -ssume that you will be back the next day to pay them more money for their overpriced product. kneading ice cream on an extremely cold slab of marble while adding in things such as candy bars, chocolate chips and even strawberries to your order is their specialty. coldstone creamery also markets smoothies, milk shakes, cakes and pint to gallon tubs of their very own ice cream that you can take home in order to place yourself into a comatose state.
“we’ll see you back tomorrow teehee!”
basically what all kids do at home; take plain old ice cream and mix in candy. everyone just thinks that it’s so great because it’s on a cold stone. big woop. is it worth six dollars when you could by three gallons for that.
six year old: mommy, can i mix candy with ice cream?
mom: no, let’s go get 1/4 of the ice cream for 1/4 of the amount at cold stone creamery!
six year old: yay!