congenital douchebaggery syndrome
congenital douchebaggery syndrome (cds) is a devastating affliction affecting persons in positions of perceived, rather than genuine, importance. most sufferers of cds are unaware of their affliction, and can do little to mitigate the symptoms. symptoms include, but are not limited to:
– a pervasive need to appear valuable to every situation
– desire to -ssert superiority over all others at any junction
– ability to create “facts” out of thin air and whole hardheartedly believe them
– insistence on including oneself in discussions despite having nothing of value to add
– determination to “help” everyone, especially those who don’t need any help the afflicted could conceivably provide
cds awareness is spreading. general understanding of cds as an affliction can help in the survival rate of cds, as -ssociates of cds sufferers may look upon the afflicted with pity and be less likely to murder them in the break room.
“did you hear that bs jerry was spouting at the team meeting?”
“oh, don’t take that to heart, he has congenital douchebaggery syndrome. he can’t help it.”
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