Crippleshits
(noun) a sudden, explosive movement of the lower bowel that’s barely arrested by a strong and nimble brown eye sphincter.
however, the casualty’s lucky break is short-lived as the ordeal becomes a private and painful contest between voluntary and involuntary strength.
symptoms vary by severity and may be evidenced by an awkward forward gait produced by one or more of the following conditions: clenched b-ttocks, locked out knees, stiffened toes and protruding upward, a upward-tilted pelvis, grunting/moaning, wild eyes, a sense of impending doom or hopelessness, and unremitting inquiries for nearest bathroom, broom closet, back-alley, or car wash.
untreated, this condition invariably leads to sharting.
“hey joe, why you walkin’ like that? – you bust your knees?”
“ooof! ooof! got the cripplesh-ts ! where’s the can?”
debilitating, involuntary and powerful expulsion of the contents of the lower colon and/or r-ct-m, barely arrested by a nimble brown eye muscle. victims exhibit telltale “peg leg” like hobble as knees and ankles are locked out. inquisitions for bathroom, broom closet, back alley, car wash, etc. normally accompany this demoralizing digestive state.
“joe why u walkin’ like that? you break your knees?”
“naw bra-‘sall good- jus da cripplesh-ts. where da bathroom in this joint?”
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