cuil

a unit of measurement in cuil theory for the level of abstraction away from the reality of a situation. it was created to lampoon the terrible search engine capabilities of the cuil search engine, while providing a functionally stimulating idea about the interrelationship between tangential things.

the cuil is represented by the interrobang: ‽\

for further reading, search for “cuil theory”.
you ask me for a hamburger.

1 cuil: if you asked me for a hamburger, and i gave you a racc–n.

2 cuils: if you asked me for a hamburger, but it turns out i don’t really exist. where i was originally standing, a picture of a hamburger rests on the ground.

3 cuils: you awake as a hamburger. you start screaming only to have special sauce fly from your lips. the world is in sepia.

etc…
cuil
verb:
to look for something, but to never find it, as with the search engine ‘cuil’ (see below). ‘john cuiled for the meaning of life other than 42’.
noun:
a search engine which gets everything wrong. ‘bob searched for “cuil” on cuil, but he found nothing.’
adj:
the opposite of “cool”: lame, a failure.
after cuiling for a bit, the man came to the conclusion that he did not exist.
guy 1:
guy 2: where the h-ll did you get that from? have you been going on cuil again?
he tried to do research, but instead he found some cuil gay p-rn.
cuil, pr-nounced ‘cool’ is a good way to describe something someone else has made that they think is blisteringly fantastic, but in reality does not work at all and would probably be better off not existing at all.

the term comes from the search engine cuil designed by ex-google employees, which frankly fails to do anything other then epically failing.
two of my friends died trying to use cuil.

cuil may not be able to search the interwebs, but can it run crysis?
cuil is a new search engine which at the time of writing this indexed 121,617,892,992 web pages. it claims to search more web pages than anyone else. it is an irish website and orders pages by relevance rather than hits so the search results are pretty sh-t and you never find what you want. it is notorious for portraying p-rn in place of a websites logo.
john: have you tried searcing the web using cuil?
jade: yes, i got sh-t results from sites which had nothing to do with what i was looking for.
a garbage wannabe google search engine. former google employees made it to beat google, but they did a sh-tty job.
“hey, have you seen cuil?”
“what? quill? quail? cool? how do you say that?”
“nevermind.”
to look for something, but to never find it.
‘john cuiled for the meaning of life other than 42’.
pr-nounced like the word cool, but means the opposite.
i just used an obscure search engine which gives me images of gay p-rn and a random soldier when i search for a nuclear physicist. that’s so cuil !

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