cullenism

a new religion based off the sappy mormon-written twilight series. it has no tax exempt status, very few members, a prayer ripped off from the lord’s prayer, and the majority of the congregation are virginal girls (not of the hot kind, either).

basically, cullenism is basically the church of scientology except, would you believe it – their members are far more insane, you have to replace aliens with “s-xeh vampires omg team edward yaaay!” and instead of being founded by a failure of a science-fiction writer, it’s based off the masturbation fodder of a mormon homemaker.
girl 1: what religion do you believe in?
girl 2: i’m a believe in cullenism omgtwilightissogreatedwardissohotdhidhsfjhahfw
girl 1: g-d, that is r-t-rded.
girl 2: you’re just jealous.
a “religion” formed by teenage girls which may as well be scientology.
the religion is based on “twilight” by stephany meyer, which is pretty much they’re bible or, “holy book.”

it’s pretty much a bunch of girls obssessed with the main character edward cullen (hence cullenism) who think christianity is too mainstream…
janit: what religion are you?
kate: cullenism.
janit: -leaves-
cullenism was once a huge fanbase cult spanning to at least 25 million people. it is defined as the polytheistic religion by which the characters of twilight are gods, stephanie meyer is a sort of jesus figure or more of a prophet, that the books are the new bible, and that if you believe with all of your heart, you will one day go to heaven where you can -rg-sm over edward cullen. the most important factor of cullenists is that they believe the world of twilight to be real.

their tenets, simplified, are

1. edward and the rest of the twilight characters are real.

2. stephenie meyer is the (or one of the) best author(s).

3. the twilight series should be worshiped.

4. if you are good in life, you will be bless with eternity with the cullens. if you are bad in life, you will be sent to james’ cave.

religion is similar to the fanbase in korea involving their dictator, except the cullenists number more and are more likely to freak out kim-jong il. cullenism is also much more dangerous of a cult than perhaps every cult known to man and the legion.
bethany accidentally let loose from her lips the fact that she doesn’t think twilight is so cool. the comment was heard by rabid, raging members of the cullenism religion. bethany was never heard from again.
a new religion based off of stephenie meyer’s twilight saga. they believe that the cullen’s (also including isabella swan, jacob black, and all other characters) are indeed real, and they deserve to be worshiped. they believe that the author of the successful series is a prophet, and that the books are a series of holy books, and the “cullenists”, or “cullenite” must read a bit of it every day. if you live your life well, in their belief, you will spend eternal life with the cullen’s.

one member said, “cullenism is a m-ss group of people,referred to as cullenites, who have come together to appreciate the values and ideals represented by the twilight series. we are not a religion(or a cult,lol) but we will be comparing and discussing twilight with religion.we are nondenominational and don’t intend to make anyone give up their own personal beliefs to be a part of the cullenism group. we are simply fans who cherish the values of twilight (not just how cute edward is)!”

there are many different people with different views on cullenism. many insist that it is a religion, others a cult, others not.
-in the name of carlisle, edward, and jasper and emmett, amen.
-what are you doing?
-practicing my beliefs! it’s called cullenism; i’m cullenist now.
-oh. isn’t that not a religion?
-it is to me.
a religion for people that don’t know what to do with their lives. which are all twilight fangirls.

they obsess over edward cullen (hence the word, cullenism) believe stephanie meyers is a god and that twilight is the new bible. often they scare people with their new found “religion” or if the person says they don’t like twilight, or think it’s average, they’ll beat that person into submission or call you a fat–ss with no life (quite ironic, non?)
person 1: i’m conducting a survey to see what religion people are, may i ask what yours is?

person 2: omg, i go by cullenism!1!! you’ve never heard of it?! edward cullen’s soooo hot!!!11 stephanie meyer is a god and twilight is the new bible!1!! you should joi-

person 1: -runs away-

person: you fat–ss!!!11one you have no life!!1! r-t-rd!!11oneone d:< a newly formed religion based around the cullen family from stephenie meyer's twilight series. headed by carlisle cullen, it consists of jasper and rosalie hale, edward, esme, emmett and alice cullen. it has a large following and includes many worship songs, stories and general prayers. worship song of cullenism: "carlisle is awesome, esme is cool, alice and jasper totally rule, our love to emmett and rosalie and edward too for eternity." a religion of people who are in love with edward cullen. edward cullen is a vampire in the book series twilight. girl 1: what religion are you? girl 2: cullenism. girl 1: oh cool me too! girl 2: isnt he the hottest thing you have ever seen!? girl 1: yes! 1 2 next › last »