dependapotamus

traditionally a service-members dependent who is a “stay at home mom” that doesn’t do a d-mn thing all day besides sitting on the couch looking remarkably similar to jabba the hut leaching off of military benefits and eating anything that gets too close.
“dude what the h-ll is that on your couch?”
“thats my wife!”
“you need to do something with that dependapotamus.”
a dependapotamus, or dependapotami (plural), is the spouse of a military service member, whose symbiotic relationship is parasitic. these creatures seek to take advantage of the trusting nature of the more inexperienced service member by birthing live children to him, to establish a link that would be more work to be rid of than to simply keep. often times, by bearing multiple children, the desire to flee from the parasitic clutches of the harpy-like dependapotamus is reduced to such a low that the service member simply settles for his misfortune, and does not leave. typical behavior for dependapotami is to sit at home, as they do not work (hence the dependency), smoke cigarettes bought with the sm (service member)’s pay, talk on a cellular phone (purchased by the sm), to other dependapotami, whilst ignoring the children to whom she/it serves as “caregiver.” often, the dependapotamus will sell the idea of not working or pursuing an education (high school being the highest level most achieve, though some are incapable of that, even) by claiming to “stay home with the kids.” these creatures of a negative symbiosis, or parasitism, are a blight to the military community, serving as horrible amb-ssadors to the rest of the united states, and in worst cases, the world. they are dramatic, loud, immature, obnoxious, freeloading, belligerent, unfaithful (where applicable, most are too unattractive to cheat), gossiping, wasteful, hateful, bigamous, and click-y.
“sergeant johnson’s wife is such a dependapotamus.”
“wait, what? how so?”
“all she does is sit on the couch watching “who’s the daddy?” specials on maury and spending his money online shopping for clothes she “hopes to fit into one day” because her diet is ‘still in progress.’ and yesterday she forgot to pick up the kids from daycare.”
“oh, no sh-t? that’s a dependapotamus alright…”