Dick Tamping
the bizarre act seen in many p-rn films whereby a distinguished gentleman or gracious lady with strap-on, grips the base of the phallus and lightly taps it upon the meaty b-ttock-flesh of a partner presenting themselves by resting on the knees and hands (or elbows (…or face)). the most likely explanation for this phenomenon was offered by professor archibald kn-bblyknackers of christ college, oxford, who theorised that the action was originally designed to test the hollowness of the awaiting bung-hole after the disastrous attempt by a disoriented ron jeremy to sodomise a helpless-yet-impenetrable venus de milo prop, which resulted in an imploded b-ll-nd and the brief resurrection of michelangelo batio for vengeance, who was given licence to murder twelve pigeons after a hazardous filing error and accidental double-lifing on account of the fact he wasn’t dead in the first place. thus, d-ck tamping was subsequently invented as a safety precaution to ensure adequate sp-ce for a ram-p-ssage, or to check for c-ckroaches or something.
‘always precede any acts of quadrapedal intercourse with thorough d-ck tamping. if you are not sure whether it is safe to proceed, do not risk entry under any circ-mstances and contact your appointed fire official, where the offending b-ttocks will be taken away to be incinerated’ – the p-rn safety handbook
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