divorce

the legal ending of a marriage
the reason why divorce is so expensive is because it’s worth it.
from the latin meaning to rip a man’s genitals out through his wallet.
when your friends were right…
married guy- hey bro i’m getting a divorce

friend- it’s about time, i told you she was a b-tch
an event that has become very common in today’s society. affects children more than adults-generally causes the parents to tell their children that “we’re still friends” while talking sh-t about the absent partner and forcing the child to call them to tell them something. it is also the beginning of the introduction of a step-parent (aka demon in most cases) who feels it is their role in life to be a complete -ss- all the freakin time.
me:i don’t know a single person whose parents are still married, do you?
jim: um..no i don’t either, thats bad isnt it?
this is what happens when the woman realizes that she can’t completely change the man she married and thus needs someone new, fresh, and exciting. she knows that he has done nothing wrong and has tried very hard to be a good husband, so she will be very conflicted until she finds another man in which to confide her deepest desires. this new man will give her the confidence she needs to ditch her husband. “all you want is to be happy,” the new man will say. this is a successful play by the new man to get into her panties.

lovesick and out-of-character behavior may ensue by the man in his incredible frustration. fortunately for the wife, the system is stacked completely in her favor. half of his savings go to her. she gets a protective order when he tells her what a b-tch she is being. her friends and family move in to protect her from her supposedly vindictive and psychotic ex-husband. the cheating is shrugged off as an afterthought. all is well in her world.
raquel: you haven’t done anything wrong, but i want a divorce. i found someone all new and shiny. also, i’d like half of your savings.
david: how could you do this to me? -starts to cry- i deserve better. i was a good husband.
raquel: your feelings aren’t my concern anymore. we’re getting a divorce, remember? by the way, i feel so incredibly loved by the new man it’s almost surreal.
david: f-ck you, you ice cold little b-tch!
raquel: that’s it, i’m taking a restraining order out on you.
after the restraining order is taken out, david begins to have nightmares. raquel moves in with her new man and lives happily ever after.
an ugly thing that hurts more than one of the parents. it can break a young child’s heart. see the example below!
mom: billy, your father and i are getting a divorce.

dad: now, don’t think this is all about you.

billy: it was me! i was the one who killed the cat.

mom: not true. pooders fell of a cliff.

billy: will you still live with each other?

(mom and dad glance at each other.)

mom: no i’m sorry. daddy is moving out.

billy: why?
(runs up to bedroom)
1) to separate or depart from.

2) separation of married couples or ending of a civil union resulting in the inevitable destruction of family units and the partial if not full-ruining of the lives of offspring tied to both parties.

3) the most selfish act a parent can do second only to cheating on their spouse and abusing their family.
1) the metal sheet divorced from its counterpart as the bolts and screws came loose.

2) the divorce rate in america is above 50% nowadays despite the drop in ceremonial marriages. no wonder everyone is so f-cked up: they’re too d-mn selfish to get along with anyone else…

3) my mom divorced my dad despite the lack of infidelity or abuse. my mom is a heartless b-tch who can go to h-ll.

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