Dookiedeker
noun
a person that has a fear of sh-tting in a public washroom with someone else there, so they feign urinating until the other(s) leave. they then rush to a stall to do their business.
from dookie, a sh-t or t-rd, and deke, a sports term to psyche-out someone.
here are 3 types of dookiedekers:
1. the average dookiedeker: usually a workmate that migrates to the washroom mid-afternoon. they’ve been dreading taking a dump at work, but can’t hold it in any longer. upon noticing someone at a urinal, they’ll pretend to use one too. having people know you sh-t at work isn’t an option. since they’ve been pinching tightly since lunch, urination is risky. the moment they leave, the dd runs straight to the stall. if someone’s in a stall, they’ll leave and wait for them to finish. when they try again, there’ll be no time to deke.
2. the smart dookiedeker: this one accepts defeat earlier than the average. they’ll attempt the throne earlier in the day, knowing there’s no point in waiting. this allows them more attempts to perform the deke, as well as even possibly p-ss while clenching
3. the hopeless dookiedeker: these will have held it in as long as possible before they cave in. it’s rare that this deke ever works. once at the urinal, sweat will bead on their forehead. then the toilet radar kicks in. in front of your urinal neighbor, you will accept your fate and run to a stall.
witnesses will jest of your flounder for years to come
“did you hear about mackowski?? he just caved while trying to be a dookiedeker!”
“oh thank god he left. dookiedeker: success!”
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