Dracula

a fictional character who is a vampire from transylvania in europe. he can turn into a bat anytime he wants and lives in a wealthy castle, which is why they call him “count dracula”. he also likes to suck blood from b-tches who have the biggest booties or t-ts and f-ck them afterwards. but then he gets his -ss hunted by van helsing who puts a wooden stake through his -ss in almost every story of his. and dracula hates the sign of a cross.
guy 1: dude that movie of dracula was sick man!
guy 2: oh yeah! did you know that the b-tch he f-cks in the beginning of the movie lives around our area in real life?
guy 1: no f-cking way! lets get some vampire makeup near halloween and f-ck her!
guy 2: yeah, but its only february now.
28 more definitions
the t-tle character from bram stokers cl-ssic novel.

a vampire, immortal, with the ability to transform into a bat, and hypnotize people to his whim.

dracula lives in a huge castle in transylvania where he sleeps with three hot vampire women who totally fear his wrath. he is usually seen dressed in a black tuxedo and long cape with a high collar. many scientists or whatever believe that he is the original inspiration for the modern pimp.

draculas diet consists of human blood and raw meat.

he is also quite cunning, even being able to hold a real estate agent hostage for several months and start his own brand of cereal. dracula also has this guy named reinfeld, a total psycho who eats bugs and shouts a lot.

dracula isn’t all powerful though, he has a few weaknesses. these weaknesses include, garlic, the cross, holy water, sharpened pieces of wood, and sunlight (which will totally make him explode)

dracula was killed by dr. van helsing at the end of the book, but returns from the grave every now and then to hang out and stuff.
“they say you are a man of good… taste”.

“listen to them: the children of the night. what sweet music

they make”

“do you believe in destiny? that even the powers of time can be altered for a single purpose? that the luckiest man who walks on this earth is the one who finds… true love?”

(jonathan harker accidentally cuts himself while shaving)

jonathan harker: “i didn’t hear you coming in”.

dracula: “take care how you cut yourself. it is more dangerous than you think”
a death metal band, who like to name their songs after gooseb-mbs books.
pretty awesome band.
bob: lets go listen to some nelly dude!
me: h-ll no! im listin to some hardcore dr. acula!!!
dracula is a term for someone who eats out a girl during a period or performs oral s-x, whether it be a guy or girl doing it.
mike dracula’d that girl!
a politically-incorrect term used by the uneducated in reference to persons of vampire heritage because of its -ssociations with bad hollywood stereotypes and mad romanian dictators. calling a vampire a “dracula” is one of the most insulting things you can do short of calling them a dhampir, asking to be bitten, or mentioning twilight. among vampires it is known as the “d word” and is forbidden from being written in mainstream print.

recently “dracula” has been reclaimed by some young vampires and used as a signifier of being in the vampire community (similar to calling someone bro or homie). although younger vampires do not perceive the word as negative, humans are advised not to use it.
(example one – a young vampire woman is shopping at the mall.)
johnny: hey dracula! get out of my f-cking mall!
vampire: the vampire civil rights act says no to segregated malls and bigotry!

(example two – vampire mother addressing her child.)
mother: …and if i hear that you called little vladimir a dracula again, i’ll wash your mouth out with garlic! do you understand?
child: -sniffles- yes, mommy.

(example three – two young vampires meeting on the street.)
vampire 1: ‘sup, dracula?
vampire 2: not much, d. you my top dracula!
-an elaborate handshake ritual is performed-
noun/verb: the result of coughing/vomiting into one’s sleeve after ripping a pipe too hard, giving the sound and appearance of a vampire raising his cape to his mouth and exclaiming “blaaaah!”
he ripped the pipe too hard. you could see it in his face. he didn’t want to drop the piece, so he quickly raised his arm, coughing into his bicep. the problem is that the cough turned to vomit, and he pulled a dracula all over his sleeve.
the very first appearance of “count dracula” is in bram stoker’s novel “dracula: (1897).

but stoker did not make up the name “dracula”.

there was a dracula in the 15th century: vlad the impaler. stoker didn’t know much about him (at least i don’t think he did). but he came across his name in a book he was researching ent-tled an account of the princ-p-lities of wallachia and moldavia (1820). this book has a very short section on a “voivode dracula” who fought against the turks. what attracted stoker to the name “dracula” was a footnote by wilkinson which stated that “dracula in the wallachian language means devil”. not quite accurate, but that is what stoker saw and copied into his notes. he was
originally going to call his vampire “count wampyr” but changed it to “count dracula.” this change is clearly made in stoker’s own notes for dracula which are located at the rosenbach museum in philadelphia.

the real dracula (about whom we know much more than stoker ever did) was not a count, nor was he a vampire (or ever -ssociated with vampires). the two draculas have become greatly confused in many people’s minds.

it is my contention that stoker was not, as many think, inspired by accounts of vlad the impaler to create the character of count dracula.

there is no evidence for that view.

(copyright: elizabeth miller)
did you buy the old english version of dracula, or the rewritten one?