East Range Cream Sauce

it is quite possibly the worst man made smell in the entire world. its named after the place where it was invented in hawaii and the main ingredient involved.

the process begins with a two week field problem that will take place in the east range which involve lots of walking in the jungle and battle drills. the second step involves masturbation. this will either be done while on guard duty or while in the soldier’s sleeping bag. should be done 3-4 days after the soldier has been in the field. after the soldier is done masturbating, rather than -j-c-l-t-ng into a sock, he -j-c-l-t-s onto the inside of his thigh next to his scr-t-m where it is left and not cleaned up.

after several days of patrolling, reacting to contact, etc, the soldier will have been sweating quite a bit. the sweat, combined with the humidity allows for the perfect fermentation of the s-m-n to occur. at this point, it could be considered finished. however, it really depends on the soldier to customize his own recipe after this step. diet, hygiene, and -ss wiping habits are generally taken into account.

by day 14 when the soldier has returned to the company area,it will be ready for pranks and personal entertainment. while waiting to turn in weapons, the soldier will stick his hand into his pants and wipe the inside of his thigh next to his scr-t-m. he then will attempt to touch his fellow soldiers’ face, and/or mouth. sometimes they will instead compare stenches to see which is worse.
soldier 1:”dude, what are you going to do to your east range cream sauce this time?”

soldier 2: “my girl was totally on her period while we were banging this morning so i’m totally trying blood this time.”

soldier 3: “i did something similar with this mechanic chick while we were in the box at jrtc, but she had a yeast infection.”

soldier 2: “daaammmmn”

soldier 4:”remember when whats-his-name used his infected cyst pus and his chlamydia for his?”

soldier 1: “boy am i glad that he got out before i got stationed here…..”