Easter

holiday that celebrates jesus’ resp-wning.
lucky for jesus that on easter no one was camping his sp-wnpoint at the time of his resp-wning.
the holiday celebrated for the day in which jesus’s pet rabbit mysteriously laid eggs and painted them strange colors to hide them from the evil jews.
this rabbit theory is the only possible explanation for our easter traditions.
a holiday featuring fertility symbols such as eggs, rabbits, and maidens dressed in white that pagans celebrate, named in honor of the godess of fertility known as eostre, astarte, ashtoreth, isis, vishnu, venus, etc. depending on when and where the pagan is from.

nowadays, most of the pagans pretend that easter has something to do with jesus so they can pretend to be christians. they’ve already given christendom such a bad name doing things like this that it isn’t even worth their effort to pretend to be christian any more, so they only continue the custom out of habit.
i prefer honest pagans and real true christians to those who pretend easter has something to do with jesus.
“hey? where’d the body go?” day.
not to be confused with dead guy on a stick day (aka good friday).
a pagan holiday that “christians” have tried make a christian holiday. easter originated in ancient rome before christ was born. here is where it came from: nimrod (who tried to bild the tower of babel) was killed and was thought to be a god by some people. his wife was a wh-r- and when she became pregnant, she claimed the conception was immaculate. the group of people who believed her lie claimed that nimrod himself impregnated her from heaven. the child that was born was named tamuz (which is where worship of the cross originated). when tamuz’s mother died, the same group of people that believed he was the savior claimed that she became the godess named easter. they believed that she once returned to earth in an egg (easter eggs). a cult took this myth and turned it into a religion. on easter, pagan priests would impregnate young virgins on the alter (that was meant to worship nimrod). a year later, the babies that were born as a result were slaughtered on easter day and eggs were dipped in their blood (where egg painting originated). easter does not honor christ in any way and is not one of g-d’s annual festivals.
why don’t you celebrate easter? don’t you believe in christ?

christ did not rise on easter.
it obviously is an adjective that is better than best.

good friday… easter sunday.

jesus died on good friday, but it was even better when he came back to life.

so easter > absolute best.
“hey man, you going to church for good friday?”
“no, way, i’m saving all my church time for easter sunday, it’s better.”
the celebration of a bearded man called jesus christ, who died on a cross and rose again, resulting in future workplaces and schools closing while people eat chocolate easter eggs.
hey! put down that tax return and have an egg! it’s easter!

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