Ed Wood

a 1950’s writer/director who, after his death in 1978, became a cult icon as a contender for “worst director of all time.” though often showing flashes of invention (plan nine from outer sp-ce, his magnum opus, featured aliens attempting to invade the earth by reanimating the dead), his films were marred by bad writing, bad acting, and a stunning depth and breadth of technical inept-tude. his only skill as a director seemed to lie in convincing investors that his next picture was going to be a smash hit (or, at least, make its money back), even though everything about his track record suggested otherwise.

when his string of failures as a hollywood director became too great to ignore, wood wound up in the adult entertainment industry, writing and occasionally directing soft- and hard-core p-rnography films.

writer, director, decorated wwii combat veteran, and transvest-te (wood claimed to be wearing women’s underwear while storming the beach at tarawa), wood was the subject of a 1994 biopic directed by (who else?) tim burton, and was portrayed by (again, who else?) johnny depp.
oh, snap! you did not just compare george lucas to ed wood!
ed wood. ed = erectile dysfunction. wood = erection. a misnomer? an oxymoron? a c-ntrad-ckshun? no, ed wood = a viagara dependant erection.
gertrude: grandpa has been an “ed johnson” for a couple of years, if you know what i mean. but, he recently started taking viagara, and he’s become an “ed wood” lately. even a “tiger wood”!

cindy: gee, thanks for telling me, grandma. that was really a whole lot more than i never wanted to know.
f-cking a girl backwards while recieving complete satisfaction of being pile drived up the -ss by a male gymnast who is probably gay.
person 1: wow that s-x was great, how did you get in the back of my -ss?
person 2: it was ed wood.