eharmony

a website setup to match people with their “life long soul-mate”. eharmony was set up by evangelical christian dr. neil clark warren. partic-p-nts are matched with other eharmony users based on the answers they provide to various personality questions. eharmony will match you up with other users for free, but to communicate with who you are matched up with you must pay a monthly fee.

despite the fact that eharmony is the biggest online dating service available, it is not uncommon not to be matched up with anyone. many people get the following message:

“eharmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples. one of the requirements for successful matching is that partic-p-nts to fall within certain defined profiles. if we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.

we are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. this occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. we hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.

you can still receive your free personality profile by clicking here.”

rumor has it that you are much less likely to be matched up with someone if you pick something other than ‘christian’ as your relgion. eharmony does not provide matches for gays.
happy user: “i found this babe on eharmony, we’ve been talking on the phone for months and i think we’re going to get married.”

sad user: “f-ck eharmony. i spent two hours creating my profile and it didn’t match me up with anyone. it’s a f-cking religiously intolerant right wing piece of sh-t.”
ok lets be honest here. they mine as well call it whatsleft.com. eharmony is for guys that dont have the b-lls to be rejected in person so now there gonna go pretend that they r a player on the web
child:daddy, how did you meet mommy?

father: well it was a friday night. and i was sitting in my underwear in front of the computer and i clicked her picture on eharmony. the rest was history.
dating website placed into the bookmarks of fat women whos fingers are too large to type out the url.
average eharmony profile

my hobbies include:

mayo
b-tter
fried ham
a r-t-rded dating site where perves (most likely s-x offenders) go to find dates. tests have been done and it shows if you put a swimsuit model as your picture perves around 40 will flock to you.
typical chat on e harmony.

(internet chat) decoy to match: i am 13
match: cool come meet me at ur house

(shows up at decoy house)
decoy: come on in, i just have to do my hair.

(decoy proceeds to door in kitchen covered by curtain)

(chris hanson come out of nowhere)
chris: why don’t you just take a seat right there?

(match is totally freaking out)
match: i did not do anything sir!!
chris: what are you doing here?
match: hanging out
chris: with her? how old is this girl?
match: eighteen
chris: it says right here she say ” i am thirteen”
match: uh..
chris: did you sent her this picture of your genitals?
(shows pic)
match: (gets fed up with uncomfortable conversation and walks out)
chris: wait come back here.

police standing nearby: get down on the ground!!
another term for ecstasy.
tom: yo i’ve been get all these women on e-harmony
an online “dating” site that matches people by 30 dimensions of compatibility, based on personality, weaknesses, strengths, lifelong goals, short term goals, religous beliefs, philosophies on raising children, etc. it is a faith-based matching site and can reject applicants it does not feel would be right for their site, ie. refusing to match persons of the same s-x. as successfull as eharmony is when compared to other online matching sites, most of its clients do not find love through their service and find someone the old fashioned way (in real life). its clients are not necessarily desperate either. some people on its service join because they are either too busy in their personal lives to have time to find someone or are too shy to pursue someone in real life. and yes, some join because their shyness or introversion prevents them from meeting someone in real life, and they feel it’s better to be rejected by a stranger in the computer than by a real pserson they would know in real life.
eharmony is not for everybody. sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t.
another name for ecstasy.
tom: yo dog have you been on e-harmony, it’s the bomb.