Eternavirgin

similar to (some would say identical to) the permavirgin. an individual doomed to die without experiencing s-xual intercourse. this can be caused by numerous factors, such as physical unattractiveness (see fugly and tubby) or emotional unattractiveness, hangups about s-x brought on by religion or kooky parenting, poor body image, or lack of game. usually, a combination of these is the root of the problem. religious beliefs are sometimes used as an excuse for the person’s continued virgin status, but this is merely a cop out, since true fundamentalist freaks get married as soon as possible so that they can have s-x without burning in h-ll.

telltale signs of the eternavirgin can include a deep interest in sp-ce opera or anime, attendance of sci-fi or fantasy-themed conventions, interest in cosplay, computer programming, mathematics, world of warcraft, dungeons and dragons, second life, furry fandom, renfair, building model tanks or ships, etc. the eternavirgin often has poor hygiene and flatulence. diet consists of ramen, jolt cola, and funyuns. some eternavirgins however, are “nice guys” and may have a normal physical appearance, and may in fact have many female friends (all of whom have no interest in him s-xually). also, some are gay and can’t come to terms with this fact. note that not all of these conditions are mutually exclusive. for example, some eternavirgins are 1). geeky, 2). “nice guys”, and 3). self-hating, self-denying h-m-s-xuals. aspies are also frequently eternavirgins. a few eternavirgins are genuinely as-xual.

note that the above information refers to the male variant of eternavirgin. female eternavirgins can exhibit these traits, but much more often are just frigid and may be indistinguishable from normal (i.e., s-x-having) females. thus, female eternavirgins are much harder to spot. discomfort when s-x is being discussed may be a good way to ferret one out. also, the subject owning more than two cats can be a sign. like her male counterpart, the female eternavirgin may be h-m-s-xual and unable to accept this.

if an individual has h-t age 30 and has never so much as gotten to first base, that person can consider himself a prime possibility for being an eternavirgin!
kathy: “oh, frank’s a great guy and i know that one day he’ll find someone who thinks he’s really special!” rob: “yeah, frank the eternavirgin? sure, -chuckle-, as soon as he finds a girl who’s into 320-pound, pimply-faced dudes who shower once a week, and who likes to listen to three-hour lectures of the merits of battlestar galactica versus stargate atlantis”.
a girl who, no matter how many times she has s-x, can easily be mistaken for a virgin by the fact that she’s so tight.
d-mn, that girl last night had to be a virgin. i could barely get it in!

nah bro, i had her last week. she’s just an eternavirgin.