exclusively mutual
when two events can occur only in conjunction with one another, i.e. neither one can occur without the other
legend has it that being a tree-hugger and being a hippie are exclusively mutual.
liberal: “being h-m-phobic and having repressed h-m-s-xual desires are exclusively mutual.”
conservative: “hah, that’s a good one.”
liberal: “remember that recurring dream you told me about?”
conservative: “…f-ck”
tim: “i wanna hook up with kim, but stacy’s my girlfriend”
john: “i don’t understand…those are exclusively mutual aren’t they?”
tim: “whaaa..?”
john: “if you break up with stacy, kim will be p-ssed cuz they’re good friends. a.k.a. no kim for you. on the other hand, if you don’t hook up with kim, stacy will get bored of your drama-lacking relationship and eventually dump you. and then kim will think you’re a loser, and again no kim for you.
tim: you are a genius. i’ll be right back
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