False Positive


a spurious ping on the gaydar. those utterly heteros-xual folks who consistently (and generally unknowingly) trip queer folks into thinking they are also gay or lesbian.

although not in any way limited to this list, heteros-xual men who are

1) faintly swishy in behaviour or
2) well-groomed and attired or
3) remarkably toned and muscular or
4) wearing a luxurious mustache along with a military fade haircut
may all end up as false positives.

although not in any way limited to this list, heteros-xual women who are

1) faintly masculine in behaviour or haircut
2) pr-ne to sensible shoes or flat-heeled boots
3) often in charge
4) not drowned in cosmetics
5) softball players
may all end up as false positives.

the term carries no pejorative weight. gaydar is a finely-calibrated instrument, can be easily thrown off, and no blame is -ssigned either to the hapless straight or to the wondering queer when a false positive is discovered.

(slang term, queer subculture, noun)
“look, martha, i know betty’s a hot softball coach, but she’s married and monogamous and straight. give it up. she’s just a false positive.”

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