fedding

fake wedding: a celebration for women who have concluded they don’t want to/might not get married but don’t want to miss out on their ‘big day’. a response to the fact that most women only want to get married for a) the proposal (flattering) and b) the party (more undivided attention). an opportunity for ladies to spend a foolish amount of money on a dress they will wear once, a decent hairdo, a m-ssive cake, flowers, a chauffer-driven entrance, a good time for all their loved ones and a photographer (to capture the ‘blushing’ hostess in as much glory as her middle-age can muster). ideally combined with 40th birthday celebrations to encourage the co-operation of one’s nearest and dearest, as opposed being branded an ‘-sshole’.
you’re invited to attend my fedding this april. (you’d better be there as i’ll be having a whale of a time, whether you are or not, and the pictures won’t look as good if i’m alone.)
a s-xual manuver involving the rare coincidental occasion of the combination of a wedding, a funeral, and the act of f-lch-ng. to fed is to feltch during a simultanous wedding/ funeral, and is generally considered to be in bad form.
“wow, joe, incredible wedding. but i’m sorry your grandfather died.”

“yeah, i just wish my bride hadn’t pulled a fedding with the corpse. poor gramps. oh, and me for marrying her.”