Festivus
n. an alternative to the cr-ss commercialization of christmas, typically celebrated on december 23. it involves the airing of grievances (telling your family and friends all the ways they have disappointed you during the year) and does not end until the feats of strength (pinning the head of the family) are accomplished. a plain, metal pole is used in lieu of a christmas tree, because decorations (such as tinsel) is distracting from the true meaning of the holiday.
a festivus for the rest of us! -george costanza
festivus is a holiday created by mr. castanza after he failed to buy a doll for his beloved son george. this holiday celebrates the things that grieved you for the past solar cycle (1 year). it is celebrated annually on december 23rd by the castanza household and seinfeld super-fans. the abscence of a tree is replaced by an aluminum pole. a festivus ritual is two people wrestling each other remorselessly and the head of the family is to be pinned. the holiday’s motto is a festivus for the rest of us. for a period of over 20 years, festivus was suspended from celebration only to be reencarnated by cosmo cramer in 1998.
another festivus miracle!
a healthy alternative to christmas or chaunaka. intstead of feeling an overwhelming compulsion to run up credit card debt by purchasing things for people that they will probably not need and regift to someone else next year, you get a microphone stand around which wh-r-s can dance. everyone “airs their grievances” by writing a problem on a piece of paper and putting it into a box (without the person’s name). then people take turns reading them and the others offer solutions or crack on that person. after the anger and embar-ssment build (which is magnified by m-ssive amounts of alcohol), it is time for “feats of strength”. these can consist of anything from arm wrestling to tackle football in the backyard to chicken fighting. unlike christmas, people are actually real and end up feeling emotionally healed!
sorry friends and family, i won’t be making it to your christmas parties this year. you should dump them to and come to my first annual “festivus for the rest of us” jam.
proposed nondenominational alternative to christman and hanukkah.
it’s a festivus for the rest of us!
a night of male bonding where everyone chills and gets wasted and pukes all over the house
ian: dude matt m. you missed festivus xv last weekend!
matt m.: ya dude i’m so p-ssed
ian: dude matt e. totally threw up all over the bathroom and emilio wanted some more blue stuff
matt m.: f-ck dude i wish i was threw.
a jewish holiday just to have fun in school no relation to the festivus from seinfeld
teacher: why are you wearing that?
student: im wearing this because its festivus and festivus is the shiznit
when one gathers with a friend and two other friends from ones beach house to smoke lots of marijuana, reminisce, then go to a light show
“hey emilio what’s today?”
“margarita, its f-cking festivus!”
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