First Night
noun, misnomer: a national family oriented celebration beginning on new year’s eve (last night of the old year.) and ending by 12:30 am new year’s day (first morning of the new year.), in cities and towns across the us. created by social conservatives as a drug free, alcohol free and s-x free alternative to human pleasure.
normal person: excuse me sir, can you -ssist me?
first nighter: certainly. what do you need?
normal person: i need five hits of ecstasy, two asian hookers, and a bottle of champagne.
first nighter: this is a family event. check your liberal coat at the door.
normal person: i apologize for interrupting your nambla rally. my bad.
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