full frontal lobotomy

a full frontal lobotomy is a form of psychosurgery. it consists of cutting the connections to and from, or simply destroying, the prefrontal cortex. this brain region has been implicated in planning complex cognitive behaviours, personality expression and moderating correct social behavior.

these procedures often result in major personality changes. lobotomies have been used in the past to treat a wide range of mental illnesses including schizophrenia, clinical depression, and various anxiety disorders.

celebrities who have had this procedure include jack nicholson in one flew over the cuckoo nest, golfer jack nicklaus, prince william and president george w bush.

the distinguishing mark of someone who has had a full frontal lobotomy is a nice pair of scars around the temples. the survival rate of the operation was vastly increased after the discovery of the lead pipe, which could be used to knock patients unconscious before the operation and meant surgery was no longer performed on people who were awake.

the full frontal lobotomy has long been criticized by the medical profession, as many are repulsed at the idea of destroying healthy tissue. the procedure while seemingly barbaric has been found particularly effective in controlling politicians.

tesco began offering full frontal lobotomies with a four pack of tinned spaghetti in 1999.
“let’s go to the supermarket for some pasta and a full frontal lobotomy.”

patient: “doctor i received this injury while drinking last night.”
doctor: “that seems to be an unidentified drinking injury. the only known cure is a full frontal lobotomy.”

jimmy’s mum: “jimmy, you’ve hardly said a word since your lobotomy.”
jimmy: “mhhwuahhg.”