gainesville

the home of the university of florida gators and possibly the tightest place on earth. home to over 80,000 college students, its needless to that binge drinking is rampant and that weed is smoked by the acre. its always sunny and the people are attractive. the best time to visit gainesville is right after a football victory (preferably a national championship) during which everyone is intoxicated and inhibitions are at an all time low. gainesville has also been referred to as g-ville, gainesvegas, and t-tletown.
diddy: dog, i feel like getting drunk and smashing some hot tail.
keiron: big shocker,wanna ride to gainesville ?
diddy: not drivin’!
keiron: f-ck, lets go.
a drinking town with a football problem.
gainesville is home of the florida gators and is nicknamed hoggtown.
a place where rich upper cl-ss people move to. mostly from fairfax coutny. filled with cow sh-t and trains. you can see the bull run moutains from your backyard. filled with new developments like somerset, piedmont, dominion valley, lake man-ssas, virgina oaks. filled with old rednecks who live in run down houses, and country farmers who own alpacas and cows. the locals drive their tractors for fun. the newcomers all want to go back to where they came from. gainesville has only one main road, lee hwy. the students miss random days of school off. for instance if it is too cold or the wind is blowing, if its raining or for snipper attacks.
gainesville a city wannabe.
north central florida “city,” home to the most r-t-rded hicks on the planet. they can’t help it, though, as they are so severely inbred. the fact that their eyes are so close together in their heads and so many of them have the same last name will attest to this. gainesville teenagers who think they’re sophisticated refer to the city as “lamesville,” however they have little to compare it to as most of them have never been north of the georgia state line. the most r-t-rded hick in pennsylvania, new jersey or new york is nowhere nearly as r-t-rded as the most r-t-rded hick in gainesville.

the university of florida is gainesville’s claim to fame. it is a very tiny island in a very large sea of stupidity. if you want to have an intelligent conversation don’t go anywhere far from these places.

gainesville is a lousy place to find a mate with all his or her teeth whose parents weren’t brother and sister. the university of florida is no place to find a mate while you’re there or a decent job after you graduate. don’t expect recruiters to salivate when they see “university of florida” on your resume. if you are over 25 and have a triple-digit iq prepare to spend a lot of lonely evenings. all the people over 30 were either born there and don’t know any better or are losers who couldn’t hack it in dc, new york or miami.
gainesville: where family trees do not fork
a town small enough to call it a hole, big enough to call it a cdp. (census designated place)

anyways, gainesville also known as g-ynesville is a underated city in alachula county, florida which is a ant pile compared to tallah-ssee. there biggest building is the hospital other than a run down 10 story hotel reserved from the 20’s which has vampires and roaches running the floors. gainesville being so small and run down, all they have in the city to use as there defense if their low team “the florida gators” with the all time low quarterback tim tebow. he thinks hes cool but hes not. all the houses in gainesville are one story tall with maybe a attack for the gainesville roaches to hang out. people in gainesville are inbred racist rednecks who hang around the local swamp and wait for a gator to move so they can get a picture and be like

man one:

“ooooh i got a picture of a gator! i got to post this on my twitter!”

man two:
“whats a twitter?”

man one:
“i don’t know, i heard one of those nole fans talking about it, tallah-sseeans got cl-ss!”

man two:
“you got that right, billy jean!”
tallah-ssee resident:
“wanna take i-75 to go to tampa?”

tallah-ssee resident #2:
“sure, let me suit up our suv to keep the ghettos and rednecks out of our car for when we go thru gainesville!”
a place where a bunch of people have their own little groups where they talk about everyone, there’s a party about every weekend, bout every girl get cheated on by these gainesville n-gg-s, kids smoke in the bathrooms, kids are disrespectful to the teachers, the girls date about everyone they friends date, most of the boys play basketball and 2k!, a lot of the girls smell like str8 fish, they only middle school is gainesville middle and it’s falling apart mentally, and it has lots and lots of fakes. and yea issa pretty cr-ppy town.
friend: we should go to gainesville some time

me: oh nooo!!anywhere but there…