George Washington

the most dynamic president and military leader ever to exist.
george washington was fierce.

george washington in his youth, as a high-ranking soldier before the american revolution.

gw, the first president of the united states of america.
the most bad-ss person to ever live, only rivaled by alexander the great.
could crush a wallnut between two fingers.
rode past british lines as they reloaded owning most of them with his sword.
george washington ganked the hessians on the delaware
-born of relatively average status, but married up (as his father had done)
-was very concerned with obtaining status/prestige
-led a virginia militia in the french and indian war (mainly in hopes of receiving a commission in the british army)
-general of the continental army in the american revolutionary war
-1st president, served two four year terms
-was addressed as “his excellency”
-iconic figure, considered by men like jefferson, adams, franklin to be the most important founding father
-was highly revered by contemporaries, and this exalted status helped maintain the united states in its first chaotic years of government.
-was more of a federalist (central government authority, national bank, standing army) than a jeffersonian republican (revolutionary vision of country, agrarian republic, states’ rights)
-wasn’t scared of bullets
-had smallpox at age 19
-his actions in preventing the spread of smallpox in the continental army are considered by historians to be his greatest military achievement (as disease was rampant, controlled inoculations saved thousands of men)
-6’2”
-very athletic
-usually seen with his black friend, both having superb mastery of riding horses.
-based on cultural att-tudes, if present day americans actually read some of his letters, they would consider him to be something of a nancy fancypants
“that in the parlor must, i should think, stand as it does; not so much on account of the wainscotting, which i think must be altered (on account of the door leading into the new building), as on account of the chimney piece and the manner of its fronting into the room…in short, i would have the whole executed in a masterly manner.”

–george washington, letter to mt. vernon, sept. 30, 1776 (a few days before the british landing at throg’s neck in ny)
our first and greatest president, washington is known for a variety of achievements including (but not limited to) inventing cocaine, spreading the delaware like moses, saving children (not the british children), throwing knives into heaven, and killing his own sensei but never saying why.

“d-mn. george washington is so cool. who would’ve thought he was such a bad -ss.”

“did you know that george washington once held an opponents wife’s hand in a jar of acid…at a party?”
the second greatest human in the history of everything, only to be beaten by his best and longest friend jesus.
george washington once stopped a musket bullet with his teeth only to have them shatter and replaced by wooden ones with gold in the center. he then went on to slaughter the entire british regiment of 50 men with his sword and trusty steed.
a george washington, or g & w, as in gin and whisky, is usually made with jack daniels and giner ale.
i’ll have a george washington please.
a term used to describe a p-n-s that is one quarter erect. not quite a half chub, but also not just a limp d-ck
alex: d-mn that girls t-tties were nasty as h-ll

stephen: i don’t know man they still gave me a george washington
first president of the united states of america. led the continental army to victory over the british and all those d-mn mercenaries they hired. also known as the ‘dollar bill guy’.

george washington never did chop down a cherry tree, and this rumor was believed to be started by some school teacher with the knowledge of mr. garrison. he did, however, sleep everywhere, and it is unlikely that he just slept, since the chicks were getting a little bored with ‘bundling’.
boy: h-llo?

geo. washington: yeah? whadda’ you want?

boy: are you mr. washington? george washington?

geo. washington: is this another one of you d-mn kids looking for a meal ticket?

boy: but my mom says….

geo. washington: look kid… i get a lot of this. the phone’s ringing day and night, which is creepy since we’ve got another 100 years before its invention. but never mind that. who’s your mother, anyway?

boy: betsy churchbottomfeeder.

geo. washington: okay! i did spend the night at her house, but slept alone. tell your mother to call an attorney. she ain’t gettin’ sh-t.

boy: oh, woe is me! a b-st-rd once again! boo-hoo, boo-hoo.

geo. washington: lemme give you jefferson’s number. he falls for this sh-t all the time.

boy: thanks, bro!

←