glutard
one who does not possess the enzymes necessary to digest gluten, a main ingredient in wheat products. one who is “glutarded” must only eat gluten-free foods, such as water, tofu, and air.
“hey, do you want some pasta for dinner?”
“no, sorry, i’m a glutard.”
“…what does that mean?”
“it means… i’m glutarded.”
“oh. okay.”
a term that apparently means “one who does not possess the enzymes necessary to digest gluten,” except that isn’t how celiac disease or gluten intolerance actually works.
“i’m going to upvote this definition for glutard even though i have no understanding of the difference between an allergy, gluten intolerance and lactose intolerance. i just find people with life-threatening illnesses funny and slightly irritating.”
glutard, someone who can not have wheat gluten in their diet.
don’t worry, i cooked you a special glutard friendly dinner.
one who often and aggressively expresses their opinion about gluten but knows almost nothing about it.
a glutard will not know:
– what gluten actually is.
– that gluten free food is more processed than their gluten counterparts because the wheat gluten must be extracted.
– what current science says about real gluten intolerance (celiac disease).
– how gluten intolerance occurs (such as believing that you can breath gluten in like asbestos or absorb gluten through the skin and hair)
a glutard will speak absolute lies, such as:
– gluten is a”chemical additive” put there by “the food industry.”
– gluten free food is more “natural.”
– gluten causes cancer.
– gluten causes illness x or making us all sick/dumb/obedient, etc.
– will mix/match/interchange gluten with various substances which aren’t gluten (such as monosodium glutamate, known as msg)
a glutard’s opinion of the negative effects of gluten also extend beyond diet alone. their “knowledge” of gluten is made up of complete lies and/or marketing information from labelled gluten free food products.
true example:
person 1: “so, what are the advantages of gluten free soap? i thought gluten only affected your diet?”
glutard: “it’s been proven that soap releases gluten fibers which you can breath in and make you sick. this is why you sometimes feel out of breath after a shower.”
the guy at the health food counter at whole foods is a glutard, he told me that eating gluten causes brain abnormalities in laboratory rats.
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