hair metal

a form of 80’s teenybopper music made primarily by effeminate men wearing makeup and dressed like women, with stereotypical 80’s big hair. after an initial wave of it fizzled out in 1987, it resurfaced just a couple of years later with a short-lived new breed of even lamer bands. success in hair metal was primarily achieved through placing primary importance on the ability to pose for the camera, and comprising your band with simpletons with little or no musical ability, much less creativity. once the formula was in place, it was just a matter of finding gullible losers to buy into the swindle. mtv, which started out as a music television channel, obliged, making this subgenre of wimp rock popular at the time. perhaps the most enjoyable aspect of hair metal was it’s juvenile lyrics. never intentionally bad, the lyrical wasteland was a direct result of the limited intellectual capacities of the band members.
hair metal was made popular by bands like poison, warrant, winger, slaughter, white lion, trixter, skid row, motley crue, kix, and the bulletboys.
gay,horrible music.
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the only redeeming thing about it was the guitar solo because that’s when the terrible singing stopped for a little while.
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started in la by men with mullets who were only in it for the groupies,alcohol,meth and cocaine.
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the men were all cross-dressers and resembled and took on the characteristics of their groupies to the point where other bands who were looking for groupies to f-ck often mistook a band of hair metallers for a sixpack of groupie wh-r-s.
beavis: whoa these chicks are hot
b-tthead: are these chicks or dudes?
beavis: whoa,i don’t know
b-tthead: well they better be chicks dammit because they’re giving me a woody
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example doesn’t use the word hair metal. use the word in a sentence.
music made by and for the hypocritical , full-of-sh-t , “happy-go-lucky” selfish -ssholes that modern society breeds. isn’t it funny how the majority of everyone of hair-“metal”‘s supporters here could not go about defining it without making some sort of crude comment regarding grunge ? this “music” is what often gives “metal” a bad name making people -ssociate it with “bad-ssery” , being total -ssholes, caring only for themselves and their family/friends (which in my opinion is no different than caring for oneself),those who are violent for boastful intents, and sheer idiocy. this music truly is all about the beer/action/b-tches regardless of whether that is the stereotype applied to it. it gives bad names to thrash metal , and generally listeners of this genre brand other subcategories of metal such as death “psychotic” , “twisted and s-d-stic” or something of that nature , when they cannot see that their own lifestyles based solely on greed and personal acquisition/gain are a twisted form of apathetic…b-tchiness. those who “live” by the hair metal code can go f-ck their ego-inflated avarice-ridden bloated -sses on a plate of scorching coals.
hair metal guy:hey punk, what you tryin to pull with my woman ?
person who b-mped into girl on accident: sorry, it was an accident =/.
hair metal guy: you layin your hand on my woman ! i’m gonna kick your -ss !!!
person : dude it was an accident…sorry.
hair metal guy : (starts beating on person for no apparent reason)
karma : – hair metal jerkoff is engulfed in flames and slowly and painfully burns to death while razor-sharp rapiers slowly tear through his weak flesh as a gigantic hand crushes his thick skull-
person: haha , f-cker.
karma : ^_^. kthxbai.
a genre of metal/rock/pop which was popular in the 80’s. composed of skeezy, animal-print-clad men with big hair and armadillos stuffed in their pants. the lyrics contain various combinations of “rock”, “babe”, “tonite”, “love” and bringin’ various things to you all night long. somehow still manages to attract a lot of hate despite that it hasn’t been relevant or popular since 1990. more fun and addictive than your average metal sn-b will care to admit. contrary to popular belief, some hair bands do, indeed, suck less than others.
“dude, i went to this awesome hair metal concert last night! dokken and quiet riot were playing!”

“those bands still exist? d-mn.”
all you hair-metal haters can suck -ss, because people actually had talent in hair metal bands!

for instance, motley crue kicked -ss. motley crue sounded the exact same on stage as they did on their cds-thats motherf-ckin talent

they sang about all emotions, mostley happiness, while grunge didn`t have half as creative tunes as they did.

good thing vh1 is bringing the 80`s back, if not, i`d go insane
guns n roses, motley crue, poison, warrant, should i go on?
also referred to as pop metal and glam metal, hair metal was an accidental sub-genre of corporate bullsh-t that was force fed to america by both the m-sses of wannabe bad-sses with teased out hair who apparently thought that the best way into a woman’s pants was by dressing like women themselves, and the corporate suck-fest known as mtv.

those responsible for this heinous crime against rock n’ roll and indeed, humanity itself, include such artists as quiet riot, ratt, motley crue, dokken, bon jovi, great white, whitesnake, trixter, kix, and cinderella. after the whole movement, by the grace of g-d, fizzled out for a short time in 1987, this wave was replaced by an even cheesier bunch that included the bulletboys, la guns, poison, white lion, winger, warrant, and skid row.

thankfully there were some glimpses of authenticity during this dark period like van halen, def leppard, and guns n’ roses (who score points not only for authenticity and talent but also for the unique ability to share the stage with a volitile gas such as axl rose).
guy 1: dear g-d… what is that… that thing? is that a man or a woman?

guy 2: neither… its a hair metalist.

guy 1: a “hair metalist?”

guy 2: yeah… they’re undead creatures trapped in a terrifying demention in which there is no distinction between men and women.

guy 1: you mean anime?

guy 2: no… worse… they stay alive solely by snorting cocaine and f-cking groupies

guy 1: jesus…

guy 2: no. not even jesus would enter that realm…
a type of anti-music that became popular in the 1980’s and officially died in 1991.

typical characteristics:

-women’s makeup worn on faces

-tight, colorful clothing

-loud, repetive drumbeats

-guitar has a whiny sound

-high-pitched vocals

-extreme emphasis on appearance

-meaningless lyrics about alcoholism, promiscuity, and occasionally substance abuse.

hair metal is essentially reinvented pop. whereas metal in the 1960’s and 1970’s was about various subjects such as politics or personal experiences, hair metal was about hedonism. hair metal was the spearhead of teenybopper movement, which was at it’s strongest during the 1980’s. were it not for mtv and a legion of gullable fans, hair metal would have never grown into the music-destroying fungus that gave metal a bad name. as it became more synonymous with metal, true metal musicians founded what became known as the trash metal movement, which was shot down in it’s initial stages and would re-merge after the death of grunge, which in of itself was a stab at hair metal.
hair metal is an easy target for anyone with h-m-phobia. ironically, fans of hair metal are unable to criticize grunge without calling it h-m-s-xual.

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