harrisburg

harrisburg, pa is not half as sh-tty as some claim. true, its glory days are long past (pop. 100,000 in the mid-50s), but it is currently in the midst of a mini renaissance. harrisburg hit rock bottom in the middle 70s, back when the west sh-r- stayed away. today second street has become “restaurant row,” the center of the city’s nightlife. city island, once little more than pavement and drug deals, now houses a stadium, marina, and picnic areas. mid-town harrisburg is being revitalized as a cultural district. while this may be a too obvious attempt to bring culture to harrisburg, culture is there if you dig for it (poetry thurdays at the susquehana art museum, midtown theatre, several underground theatres).
until you’ve eaten a meal of cold rice noodles and jasmine tea outside of 2nd wok under the pink and blue glow of flourescent lights, you don’t know sh-t about harrisburg.
the illegitimate love child of philadelphia and pittsburgh.
person 1: man, harrisburg is like some kind of love child between philly and pittsburgh.

person 2: yeah, that’s why it’s right in the middle. joint custody.
the only city to be talked mad sh-t on in jack kerouac’s “on the road”. traveling back and forth across the whole country multiple times and harrisburg, pa was the only place depicted as a gloomy, unfriendly sh-t hole.
jack kerouac- “it was the night of the ghost of the susquehanna. the ghost was a shriveled little old man with a paper satchel who claimed he was headed for ‘canady.’…he was about sixty years old; he talked incessantly of the meals he had, how much b-tter they gave him for pancakes, how many extra slices of bread,…how he hit every red cross in town and showed them his world war 1 credentials; how the harrisburg red cross was not worthy of the name; how he managed in this hard world…the last i saw of him was his bobbing little white bag dissolving in the darkness of the mournful alleghenies….that night in harrisburg i had to sleep in the railroad station on a bench; at dawn the station masters threw me out…i stumbled out of town with barely enough strength to reach the city limits. i knew i’d be arrested if i spent another night in harrisburg. cursed city!”
during the day, the city is full of state workers. at night, just after 5 or so, the scene changes. in the 70s, before gas reached $1 million/gallon, suburban high school kids used to cruise the loop at night (front street, center square, second street, pick your connecting route, greene street? back to front street again. the top bar used to be the place to score 40s. still open. it hasn’t changed in years. the city is definitely getting better now, but i do miss the original spot, mecca of all food that’s bad. and seeing that hilton hotel where they had that seedy p-rno theater and that underground pool hall is really, well, shocking.
white suburban harrisburg kid no. 1: yo, let’s go downtown.
white suburban harrisburg kid no. 2: you drive. i’ll score the 40.
the burg aka that city. capital of pa and capital of gangsters. good weed, good crack, and good hoes, an all around great place. home of mayor reed for the past million years and refuge to all those who seek a piece of city life. divided into mad districts, everyone’s from somewhere else. the hill, the brook, high point and edgemont are all neighborhoods whose own residents would have you believe that they are different cities. no disrespect homies, they keep it real.
(walking down street)
person: is that t.i. i hear in the background?
thug:(with blunt in mouth) yea, if you don’t like it, leave fo i uzi yo mu’f-ckin house! dis harrisburg! ya dig?
person: (dipset in a minitset)

-t.i., as well as other gangster rap, is frequently played as background music in the burg. not by people, by g-d.
capital of pennsylvania. it’s a nice place to live if you’re retired or r-t-rded.
person a: where do you live?
person b: harrisburg.
person a: i feel bad for you.
person b: (kills self)
the capital of pennsylvania, a place where there are a lot of drugs, money, b-tches, and guns. home of the infamous apartment complex known as the brook.
nicholas d: “so how’s harrisburg?”
nick d: “it’s a sh-t show dogg, full of pimps and hoes, people getting shot, and hardcore crack dealers who sell to little kids on the street.”
nicholas d: “oh, sounds like you have a terrible crime problem. i’m sorry you have to live there.”
nick d: “f-ck that, b-tch! it’s all good in da hood. we know how to throw down.”

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