Ingrid Logic

a process of thinking that is based fundamentally on a few simple steps:

1) be wrong. if at any time you think you may be right, you have exited the bounds of ingrid logic.

2) he who is inferior is always right. if you are the third wheel in a two-person argument and are choosing a side, always make sure to come to the rescue of the weaker party.

3) deny all attacks on your credibility. anyone who says you’re wrong cannot be right because in your mind, you are not wrong.

4) discredit opponents of ingrid logic. if, g-d forbid, anyone calls you out on suspicion of applying ingrid logic, attempt to prove that they themselves are wrong with such clever lines as “no” and “you’re mean.”

5) once ingrid logic, always ingrid logic. you must always resist attempts to convert you into an intelligent person by constantly denying being wrong in the first place. if one were to apply too much pressure in attempting to smartify you, just agree with them but continue to use ingrid logic.

if a user of ingrid logic is encountered, do not attempt to argue with him/her. scientists at mit found in a 2006 study that ingrid logic is infallible. interestingly enough, this is the same study that found the leading cause of brain aneurysms.
john: dude, i’m so p-ssed.
sam: why? what’s wrong?
john: well, i got into an argument with wheelchair w-lly. i kept telling him that jfk was -ss-ssinated, but w-lly insisted that he died in ’89 of a heart attack.
sam: well? what happened?
john: ingrid was walking by and overheard the argument. once the ingrid logic kicked in, i knew i had lost the argument.
sam: so what did you conclude?
john: jfk died in ’89 of a heart attack.