irvine

bizarro world! the concept of big brother turned into reality. someone’s keeping an eye on you. if your gr-ss is a cm too long, you receive a warning, then perhaps get evicted. no property in irvine you own is truly yours. snoozefest. a great population of starbucks lovin yuppies. home of emo kids and “punk” kids who’d freak out if they had to live in neighboring santa ana. no culture, no character. don’t dare paint your house pink, beige is the official color of irvine, no approval needed. the whole city is beige, physically and spiritually. zzzz!!!
“welcome to irvine, be quiet!!!”
a perfect little city known as “the bubble”.
theres nothing to do in this f-ckin bubble… irvine blows.
1. a bubble
2. clonesville
3. a place with cops who don’t do anything all day but write tickets.
4.a place where you get yelled at for having your gr-ss 2 inches instead of 1.9.
5. asian invasion.
i’m lost! everything looks the same in irvine!
city of approximately 146,000 residents, and counting. located in the center of orange county. close to almost everything. 30-minute drive or less to laguna beach, long beach, disneyland, and san juan capistrano-san clemente. 45 minutes from downtown l.a. in good traffic; approximately double that in bad. 90 minutes or less from san diego.
america’s most successful master-planned community. city is comprised of “villages,” which are residential areas with common architectural themes, as well as commercial and industrial areas. irvine company, which still owns most of the land in the city, likes to say that villages were meant to be “jewels” and university of california, irvine (uci) the “pendant”; however, in “where we are now: notes from los angeles,” essayist/l.a. times commentator d.j. waldie states that villages were also meant to dilute residents’ political power and allow the irvine company to do as it pleased, “with the compliant oversight of county government.” this attempt backfired in 1971, when residents revolted by incorporating the city and taking control of its future. irvine development now much slower than 35 years ago, under “master plan.”
middle to upper-middle cl-ss. excellent public schools, thanks in part to local charitable foundation. city school district receives lowest per-capita funding of any district in california, but donation offset allows schools to maintain extensive art, music, science, and athletics programs. dedicated and involved parents and district staff ensures academic excellence. educated population overall. uci, biotech, and fortune 500 corporations are major employers.
more liberal than one would believe, thanks to educated population. there is wealth in irvine but overall mindset is very moderate, very suburban middle cl-ss. a diverse city with significant asian, middle eastern, and jewish populations. however, not many latinos or blacks. irvine is quiet and sedate, because there really is no reason to visit unless you work here, enjoy biking, or are an urban planning major. huge great park planned for northeast irvine may change that. getting around the city is pretty easy.
living in irvine, or the thought of it, can make some people uncomfortable. there is a sameness, the city is planned to the nth degree, and there is no element of weirdness except for the city itself. on the other hand, there are beautiful views of the santa ana mountains to the north and the coastal range to the south, a coastal climate without as much overcast, an excellent bike trail system, lush foliage, practically anything you could need or want either within or near city limits, and a refreshing absence of social problems.
residents are above-average pleasant and polite, as a general rule. for example, people might drive bmws but are less likely than residents of neighboring newport beach to speed them in and out of traffic on a c-ke rush while yelling into a cell phone.
good j-panese, korean, and middle eastern restaurants.
irvine spectrum is also called “irvine speculum” due to shape of the merged 5 and 405 freeways, which resembles the gynecological implement.
uci said to also stand for “university of chinese invasion” due to high asian student population.
“irvine is so boring.”
“in irvine, you can’t even order a pizza after 8 pm.”
“irvine? where is that?”

irvine is located in california. once you leave you can’t get back in, because that’s a rule in irvine. irvine’s slogan- “you’re either with us, or against us.” also, it is populated by mainly christian, catholic and mormon individuals, who every now and then will try and get you to convert to their religion.

the city itself is one of the safest in the nation, because the police here are amazingly -n-l. you roll a stop sign at two miles an hour, and your -ss is gr-ss. they are also have some unbelievable vendetta against asians, some of whom are from foreign countries and have only been in the u.s. for a few months, or were alive during the vietnam war era, where seeing a person in a uniform meant that you were usually screwed, and whom panic at the sight of a police officer. the police are so dumb that they don’t recognize this, and arrest the person for not following one of their commands.

also, the cops really hate teens. i don’t know why this is; they just have some thing against teens, especially drivers. it’s unreal.

its population of asians is rising, (which makes the police vendetta toward them a bit more perplexing) which is good, maybe it will get the cops to stop being such -ssholes towards them.

nothing happens here. it’s rather amazing really. at 10 pm everyone is inside watching the local news or sleeping. the only things i read about are the marijuana busts, and when ever something big happens most reporters have trouble finding the city. the worst thing that’s happened in the city is the guy who went bonkers at an albertsons and started attempting to kill people with a samurai sword. because of the lack of action, the cops are buff. they spend way to much time at bally total fitness.

irvine is home to irvine meadows, now verizon wireless amphitheater, a decent place to watch concerts. but, honestly that’s about the only good thing about it.

irvine- the second best/worst place to live ever.
the big rich bubble of doom
“welcome to irvine, you’re stuck here”
a horrible little t-rd town in orange county, but not in the way you might be thinking. it is safe. nightmarishly safe. to the point where it’s like the san angeles scene in stallone’s movie, demolition man, only the cops are still able to kick your -ss and they do so at the slightest provocation. bikers are not welcome anywhere in the public. cars don’t want them on the street, and peds dont want them on the sidewalk. the schools are too competetive because of the invasion of asians. the only thing there is to do in the city is hiking on boring “wilderness” trails that are completely surrounded by suburban development, the spectrum (which is normally chock full of rich sn-bs, posers, and skater punks), and smoke weed. chances are, 1/4 of the people you run into in irvine deal the fine herb. speaking of weed, the biggest crime that you ever hear about in the city is some high school student getting caught with weed on him. never move here unless you want a dull, boring life in a city with -sshole cops, stoners, insane property taxes and home prices, and laguna beach reject sc-m. if you stop in irvine on your way to san diego or la, keep going. even the gas here is expensive.
arizona chick: where u from?

me: irvine

arizona chick: wheres that?

me: socal

arizona chick: dude! that’s so cool! omg! do you live next to a celebrity?

me: no, i live next to koreans who i can hear beating and shouting at their kid daily for not getting all a’s. irvine sucks d-ck.

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