isla vista

an almost too-good-to-be-true college student playground nestled in fabulous santa barbara where the apartments are absolute sh-t yet $650/mo to share a room. at night, iv crawls with thousands of p-ss-drunk students, all walking from house to house sucking up the greater half of california’s vodka supply. sadly, neartly half of these party-goers are arrested by the iv foot patrol for dips. isla vista is an overall awesome place to spend your college years.
ucsb student: “yes, i live in isla vista.”
student’s grandmother: gasp!!
student’s friends: “let’s go there and get wasted.”
a town in nw santa barbara, adjacent to ucsb, where college students go buck wild.
i am going to isla vista so that i can get wasted, find a b-tch on dp, and get layed. i’ll wake up the next morning with a std.
a place that brings out the most degrading immorall unsavory part of every college student that goes there a place so decadent, drug infested and tall cann trashed with mattresses and stolen bikes lining the sidewalks , where couches are set ablaze early morning on the beach which also happens to be in a weary decay ruined my microwaves and broken refrigarators thrown impulsivley from an ocean side dp balcony in a drunken fit of rage. girls so sl-tty that the idea of ever paying money for s-x is utterly ridicolous and the chance of gettin an std is 100% 50% with a condom if you could ever find one in the substance induced stupor at 3 in the morning in the the small run down 700 dollar a month flat that you share with your roomate who is luckliy too unconcious to here the sounds of the young floozy being violated in every orifice of her body while you some how try to keep it up despite the the pint of sailor jerry rum that you swilled down with the 8 ball of c-ke bong tokes and the possible x pill and shot of h, but sh-ll never know if you finish its the thought that counts…. but all in all its my favorite place ive ever lived and my time there has been worth ever seond and ill return before its all over.
“yo i had a heavy drug problem and threw a 8 foot ladder at my now ex gf drunk and shooting speedb-lls at 4 in the moring on a sat-rday in isla vista
isla vista is artless province rotting from within the virgin innards of santa barbara county. it is a college town and everybody does keg stands until their eyes p–p out of their faces, at which point they use these were-eyes to play beer pong, at which point the game is called blind-pong, and there is music playing that sounds like this:

you kaint see me tho
thowin b-lls atcha cup

thowin b-lls atcha b-tch
(bridge refrain verse)

on tuesday nights isla vistans ritually sit in very small groups and do the reading of words, either from the books, the internet or the news paper. snorting lines of cocaine off of the knowledge they outcry (frats, sororities, cooperatives – everybody, factually noting):

“p–p.”

at the center of isla vista there is a great tower, which can only be reached by spelunking through a great cave which takes the adventurer through lifetimes of irony and cognitive dissonance (and nightmares induced by intense loneliness – it literally takes lifetimes to get through the cave) and when the young adventurer gets to the tower, she jumps from its great height and lands in the arms of angels below on the of del the playa (the beach, in spainish), the sands they are cold and warm with intent; the waters are the healers of tomorrow and the white b-tches

well, the white b-tches go to heaven

ninjas call it that gnarly obstacle course ( / tree of knowledge).
the gun was loaded in isla vista;
the evil was loaded in isla vista;
the p-n-s makes new light;
the plague of men as once it was
shoots and purifies the puke
of the poo eatings;
go forth and kill
–g-ddess of isla vista