Jack Horner-ed

the popular children’s rhyme reads:

little jack horner
sat in the corner,
eating a christmas pie;
he put in his thumb,
and pulled out a plum,
and said, “what a good boy am i!”

to be “jack horner-ed” in the modern/urban sense is a wholly awkward moment for any young person. this unexpected event takes place when two individuals are taking part in any type or degree of consensual s-xual activity, when one partner decides to attempt a very risky maneuver by inserting his/her thumb into a certain orifice of the other partner which traditionally only operates as an exit for digestible waste. this nonconsensual activity generally results in an abrupt ending to the s-xual/physical relationship, as well as any emotional relationship that had previously been forming. in most cases, this marks the final interaction between the individuals.

the origin of this term can be traced as far back as kalamazoo, mi (western michigan university) where it is also popularly referred to as being “zd-ed.”
let’s say a young man is watching a disney movie with a pretty girl he recently met. in the nights prior, they had slowly advanced their degree of s-xual activity to a comfortable point. justly, he felt certain enough of his the budding relationship to share it with other members of his close social group. on this particular night, the man propagates s-xual activity. he is excited to realize his partner is also up to the task. as she begins to perform oral s-x on him, in fact, near the height of the experience, the young man is alarmed by the presence of a thumb working into his -n-s. quickly clinching, hoping to intercept the errant advance, he reaches for his pants and knows he has been jack horner-ed.