joeheathcote
also referred to as “chickenslayer” and “chickenman”
joeheathcote is an oni (demon) stemming from j-panese folk lore from the kamakura period (1185–1333).
a lost soul that now wonders the streets of yorkshire, england, after a j-panese trader supposedly smashed a pot containing his essence some time in the 14th century.
a number of sightings have been reported of him, from recent years, stemming all the way back to his origin in the j-panese wilderness.
you would know immediately if you happen to stumble anywhere near this spirit, as he uses trademark phrases such as “why would i salt a eggplant”, “sooo”, “niegroied hhaha h”, “am i”, “ohhhh makes sense i am noob so”, and most commonly, “do u”.
the true meaning behind these phrases is most certainly lost to the ages, but they still manage to haunt anyone misfortunate enough to hear them. it is said that anyone unfortunate enough to cross his path will be frozen in place, and forced to listen to his incoherent rambling, and mysterious high pitched buzzing emanating from his mouth until he gets tired and retreats into the shadows.
if you happen to meet joeheathcote in your travels, the most important thing to do is not panic! the best way to rid yourself of the demon is to nod and smile whilst pretending that you understand what he’s saying, this will undoubtebly make him leave faster.
my lord, i can hear strange words coming from the bushes again…
as can i, boy, we best get moving if we hope to avoid the joeheathcote.
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