John Key

a senile old mental patient who escaped the asylum and is now running new zealand. he needs to be stopped before he cripples the country forever.
john key is an -rs-; that’s all there is to it.
the attempted act of joining into a three-way handshake, usually resulting in embarr-ssment and rejection by the dominant handshaker.

(also knowed as the finger flaping dance.)
“bro that was awkward you just john keyed me”

“did you see that guy john key richie mccaw, how embarr-ssing ”
john key is the leader of the new zealand national party, currently the party in opposition. currently despite being inexperienced, and despite allegations of misleading the public over the true policies that the national party would implement once in government (such as privatisation and the cutting of social spending) he is enjoying some popularity within the new zealand public. thus, his name lends to the unfortunate situation where a person can convince a large amount of people (in some cases, nation-states) that they are an ‘all right guy’ and are ‘sympathetic to ordinary people’ despite evidence to the contrary (in terms of their hidden policies) that would suggest that they are putting on a facade.
person a: where did all this terrible policy come from! why has unemployment gone up? i thought (insert politican’s name here) was a nice guy!

person b: oh dear, you fell for the cl-ssic john key trick!
new zealand rhyming slang for donkey punch, similar to the wolf bag technique and named after the prime minister who won the country’s trust through his seeming mild-mannered ineptness, allowing him to take them from behind and smack them in the head. typically, only the person delivering a john key benefits, while the person receiving a john key suffers immensely and risks permanent brain drain. it is the sly con and false pretenses of a john key that distinguishes it from a standard donkey punch or wolf bag.
new zealand was so loose, even john key barely got a reaction from them.
john key is the current pm of new zealand. he was voted in to this position by the new zealand public solely because he has a slightly more dignified appearance and manner than the previous pm, comrade helen.
although he comes across as a soft, modern man, he recently demonstrated that he is, in fact, a hard man, and is prepared to give all in service of his country. he demonstrated this by breaking his right arm in two places at a function, then carrying on as if nothing happened. he then shook the hands of 120 touch rugby players at another function before seeking medical help. because of this, the phrase “to do a john key” now refers to a seemingly uncharacteristic act of bravery and resolve.
were john campbell to do something remotely masculine, he could be said to ‘have done a john key’.
the face of the opposition to the completely useless labour party in the nz parliament and as far as a lot of people are concerned the next rightful nz pm.
vote for john key for pm and get rid of the ugly transvest-te!! lol