judiah

judiah comes from an ancient long-lived tribe of judiahs spanning back to 1998. though judiah was the first and last judiah, he was still awesome.
upon meeting a judiah you will encounter various aspects of the judiah. he may speak french, decipher morse cose, or recite the full length of edgar allen poe’s “the raven.”
the idealized greeting to a judiah is to avoid eye contact for 32 seconds, outreach your arm for a shake, retract, then offer again and drastically change your hand to a fist b-mp. take the judiah’s now-fist hand and akwardly shake it.
to verify you possess a real judiah measure his blood for sulfuric acid. if the quant-ty is above 0% it is likely actually an eldrich horror. do not panic, just get a towel.
judiahs are notoriously allergic to oxymorons. they also kind of love them sooo…
a judiah will likely offer to watch “rabbits” by david lynch. do not give in, this is a trap. counter offer a trip to the east coast to meet the watcher in person. the duel will end in a draw.
if you speak in old english around a judiah he will instantly love you, be cautious however, dopamine is a highly addictive substance. you pretty much are advocating drug use. how do you feel about yourself now huh?
judiahs may reference various subjects ranging from cult cl-ssic films to a revolutionary idea he had that morning.
the name judiah means “all praise belongs to jehovah.”
meandering cookies make the most dire of dirges. do not forget this oh reader mine.
“did you know the omni-god’s real name is judiah?”
“judiah, now thats a great guy who always knowests himself before he wreckests himself.”
“judio oh judio? wherefore art thou judio?” , “well i’m right’cha here.”
“judiah proposed a full frontal -ssault… from behind.”
“judingrad, you will never find a more wretched hive of sc-m and villiany.”
“did judiah go back to save young vofo?” , “no, he is stuck in a temporal pundox with mastur vofoeki.”
“are we going to eat, judiah?” , “sure, right now. i gotta. we gotta.”