Jump Bear

jump bear – jum-p bear

formally known to be a myth, but according to eyewitness accounts, the “jump bear”, also known as the “jumpu bear-o” in j-panese is a small, furry creatures with dark-greasy grey matted hair, with a round flat nose with white ears and possess a set of fairly sharp-claws and teeth. closely related to that of the australian koala, it eats primarily gum leaves and small children and makes for an excellent swimmer.

however, be warned that unlike its cute koala cousins, the jump bears have a tendency to face hug an unsuspecting intruder when defending its hive. according to eyewitnesses account, the jump bear will build a large crane like structure made purely from digested leaves and meat, where it would creep over homes, office buildings and even aeroplanes to latch onto its victim, these creatures live in very large communities, ranging from between 10-50 of them and during mating seasons, the males have a tendency to hunt down and latch onto any unsuspecting victim, often traveling hundrend’s of kilometres and fearless of civilisation’s hold, where it would continue to extend the family line of its species.
this is an article from the daily bullsh-t

bugbears, werebears, winne the poo, but jump bears?!
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the eyewitness account of the jump bear epidemic in north victoria during the 1950’s have caused a majority of public figures such as wwf, ani-care and red-head pauline “i don’t like it” to come out and speak for the preservation of australian wild-life, pauline was quoted for saying “the tasmanian tiger has been extinct for many years now and the jump bear epidemic of 1954 just causes me to say i don’t like it” after wwf struck out that the animal should be taken captive and breed, they warned all local bush-walkers and metropolitan workers to wear safety gear when walking outside “you will never know when you’ll be face hugged” wwf spokesperson jeff said.
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