Kenyon College

a sick–ss school full of kids who are pretty smart but have other priorities than just academics. lots of hipsters and bros, but there are also plenty of people don’t fit into stereotypes but get along fine with those who do. professors are pretty chill, the swimmers are d3 gods (d3, but still), the campus looks like hogwarts and the chicks have been looking better in recent years. students know how to party; shock your mama and summer sendoff are keystone-fueled sh-t shows, but students do everything else pretty well too, from saving the environment to putting on theater productions to forcing unwanted members of the administration to resign.

alumni include rutherford b. hayes, paul newman, bill watterson and ted from how i met your mother, all paragons of awesomeness.
ivy league kid: you go to kenyon college? like, africa?
kenyon kid: no, in ohio, and i get some every weekend because liberal arts schools have a sweet guy-girl ratio, and there isn’t much else to do other than study or party or go hiking in the wilderness.
ivy league kid: sounds fun, but i have to go write fourteen essays and postulate some calculus theories.
kenyon kid: i’ll probably get a higher-paying job than you because i do a ton of extracurriculars. peace out.
a school where diversity is internal, and if ever external, it is defined by a bright colored plaid shirt as opposed to a bland grey one. people are quirky, yet pretentious and the girls are infamously unattractive. beer googles are a must for everyone on a wednesday, friday, or sat-rday night. professors drink and smoke with students all the while discussing the latest underground bands and their impression on popular culture. anthropology is the easiest major at kenyon, but english is most widely declared. the football team sucks.
artur: what’s your major?
jesika: well, i just declared english with a minor in russian and an emphasis with on sociology in comparative perspective.

artur: kenyon college?

john: what’s your favorite play?
alan: ot-ello.
john: oth-llo.
alan: yes, ot-ello.
small expensive liberal-arts college in the middle of nowhere – gambier, ohio. once a bastion for hippies and alternafolk, kenyon has leaned towards becoming a c-ke-fueled haven for rich yuppie f-cks from the east coast who still fancy themselves “too alternative” to go ivy.
all kenyon college students look alike.

kenyon once loved acid and pot, now they love c-ke and the postal service.
a small liberal college in the middle of nowhere. they think they are better than everyone else in the middle of nowhere.
i get the best education at kenyon college. i major in cow tipping and chicken plucking.

or

kenyon college is so much better than any of those ivy league schools…