keyport

welcome to keyport, home of the red raider, and the town of wonder and joy. sorta.

this town is one square mile, and full of fun perhaps you would like a tattoo from one of the various tattoo parlors, fat kat or taboo, your preferance. did you stop by for some clams, which used to be one of our main exports? or perhaps a football game, we’ll probably win it!

the people-

uppers: friendly, caring, loyal to their town, have a family like quality, tend to have a good knowledge of high school football stats. everybody knows everybody.
downers: not the smartest, sometimes too loyal, a little racist, everybody knows everybody.

the school system-

uppers: small, you can be the big fish in the little pond, tests arent hard, no homework, little bullying, good sports program. you can hang out and get something delicious before and or after school at broadway bagels. the chicken patties at keyport high are famous. however, if you dont want to send your kid to a public school, there is st. joes the catholic elementary school.
downers: not a challenge at all, students are lazy, teachers are a little crazy, no ones that smart, most students end up going to brookdale for college, if anywhere.

politics-
uppers: recently there has been a pretty even split of democrats and republicans. the council members are young and loyal to their town.
downers: a little corrupt.

eateries:( many of these are establishments, where keyport elders ate, and still eat today, those are marked with an ‘e’) mikes subs (e), keyport pizza (e), expresso joes, mcdougnaghs, first wok, dunkin donuts, trinity, chicken coupe, sal and ginos, cornucopia, drews baysh-r- bistro, keyport fishery (e), a hot dog place that changes its name every month, ye cottage in (e), bulkhead (e), debis icecream, broadway bagels, the yellow rose (e), seaport diner (e), dominoes, ihop, the office.

for fun: the keyport firemens fair, a townwide celebration with fun, excitement, and self loathing. fantasies, a local strip joint seconds away from keyport highschool, if youre into that. st. joes fair, the lame version of the firemens fair, its sponsored by the catholic elementary school st. joes. sports, such as pop warner football and cheerleading, and k.y.a.l., the recreational basketball league, and the school sports teams. also, expresso joes, which have local bands playing on certain nights. then there is always fishing,and more recently skateboarding. keyport also has many other “funtivities” throughout the year, such as the chilli fest, however these are not as established as the others.

hangouts: dunkin donuts (for the younger ones), expresso joes (for the sophisticated), keyport library (for the bored/old/moms), broadway bagels (for the everyones, but only during the school year), cedar st. park (for the kids that need a break from their parents), and the bulkhead (for the first date/ the people who want a delicious dinner from the raritan bay).

keyportian: i live in keyport.

out of state guy: never heard of it.
a small town in the greatest state ever…nj. most of the kids there say “yo i hate this town yp”….but really love it. keyport high school is more of a hang out then an actual school…and if you’re artsy..get out. sports sports sports. the union beach kids come to the school for 9-12…mostly because keyport is a tad bit better. well…the kids aren’t smart but usually are outragiously funny and have good personalties. everyone is irish and italian theres like 5 black families and some more spanish kids…basically no culture. it is bordered by hazlet…a school or f-g emos who think there tough…and usually get beat up by keyport kids. to add it up…great personalty….crazy funny…jock….loves football…welcome to keyport. we hope you just don’t mind the mexicans. …. our towns racist as h-ll.
welcome to keyport a town of white kids who say yo all the time love football are funny….but will definetly kick your -ss if they need to…or want to.