kirkwood

a place where everyone is a prep that smokes weed and thinks they’re cool. or they are the complete oppisite being a loser goth. either ones pretty gay.
dude if i smoke a bowl of weed then im cool.
a town where it is full of douche bags who listen to dave matthews while getting stoned, then borrow their mom’s mini van to get taco bell at 2 am with their bros.
kirkwood bro number 1: dude.. turn on some music.

kirkwood bro number 2: aight dude dave matthews sounds h-lla chill, bro.

kirkwood bro number 3: aye bros, i got the f-cking munchies. let’s get in your mom’s mini van and head on over to taco bell.
medium sized suburban town in st. louis county. known for its prominent turkey day game vs. webster groves high school as well as the location of the imo’s pizza where michael devlin (notorious molester) worked. one day as an officer was buying pizza and taking it back to the police station he was shot in the head. the murderer than ran 300 feet to kirkwood city hall where 7 people were killed. across from the city hall is the famous fountain where the middle school minions spend there time looting after school. there is a direct correlation of lower income for most businesses and the time the middle school lets out. be careful when turning into mc’ donalds seeing as they will throw objects at your car such as the smallest child in the group. across the street is the famous taco bell, the main food provider for the growing number of bud tokers. taco bell was formerly a drive thru munchies/drug station but was recently busted by the pigs. so when ordering don’t ask for a nugget on the side, just smoke your own chron in the parking lot after you get your food like everyone else does. they are very patient with the baked and drunk so take your time ordering… make sure you ask for your change. be careful when pooling out seeing as the person next to you has hindered reaction times.
some of the kirkwood cop cars are black so keep an eye out at night and stick to the backroads, tints are an -sset
welcome to suburbia, missouri, united states, north america, earth. kirkwood moms are the snotty pto parents that you despise, kirkwood dads are chill as f-ck, kirkwood boys wear polo and all sell weed…. to eachother? and kirkwood girls date kirkwood teachers.

many under the radar chill groups of people exist in the wood, including hipsters, italians, and the s-x offenders who live next door.
kirkwoodian: hey guys! lets spend the next 5 hours taking pictures of ourselves and then go sit in the walgreens parking lot till we’ve had way too much to drink!
this is the guy that they named those boring towns after. he used his epic guitar powers to destroy a large portion of the midwest, and kirkwood missouri et al. were subsequently named such because the wasteland landscape resembled the nuclear shred guitar fallout that was wrought in his path. he also invented the question mark and thwarted the aids virus.
who would? kirkwood!
a little town way up in the hills that has only about 100-200 people living there, its a ski resort that is very nice.
you going up to the wood? better bring some extra clothes.