Knox Grammar

knox grammar, located on sydney’s prestigious north sh-r-, is an exclusive private school for boys. in order for parents to secure a place at the school for the future inheritors of their millions, registrations must be made at birth. fees for day boys exceed $20 000 per annum whilst boarding fees are around $50 000.

the knox community is predominantly white and, despite accusations, is absolutely not elitist. there is only one minority group in the knox community; asians (around 5%). knox boys are fairly tolerant with asians as long as they’re not “too asian”, and fair enough too.

knox families drive either a mercedes-benz, a bmw or a jaguar. however, there are some who choose to drive a lexus or an audi – they are weird, and perhaps poor.

knox grammar is part of the cas (combined -ssociated schools), an exclusive -ssociation of private schools across sydney. the schools compete in sports including rugby, cricket, swimming and athletics. notably the term “rugby” in the knox community is always referred to as union, not league, because everybody at knox knows rugby league is a “mug’s game” played by uneducated and ill-mannered “wogs” from the western suburbs.

there have been four rhodes scholars graduate from knox grammar, which is reflected in their results as being in the top 60% of all schools across nsw. notable graduates include (unfortunately labor leader, but knox grammar will take the claim to fame anyway) hon gough whitlam – former prime minister of australia, hon sir kenneth jacobs – former justice of the high court of australia (thanks to knox grammar’s justice and anti-prejudice values), john laws – not manipulative and not right-wing biased radio presenter and hugh “i may star in broadway shows and have taken over from peter allen but seriously i’m not gay because i went to knox grammar” jackman – actor, to name a few.

knox grammar is fanatical about rugby. if you don’t play or at least enjoy rugby, you are considered a h-m-s-xual, probably from the eastern suburbs. the knox community considers the eastern suburbs “a concrete jungle full of pretentious jews”.

knox grammar is arguably the ultimate education a man can get.
knox grammar boy 1: my g-d charles, i was driving the bmw to school this morning and i saw someone arrive in an audi.
knox grammar boy 2: how awful, are you alright?

knox grammar boy 1: charles, have you heard richard is playing soccer this season?
knox grammar boy 2: that’s rather gay.

knox grammar boy 1: charles, you know that asian boy harold? well his father made less than $500 000 last year.
knox grammar boy 2: mmm, i heard. i think they’re living on the streets now.

eastern suburbs boy: shal…
knox grammar boy: go f— yourself.
a seething pit of barely suppressed h-m–erotic boy scouts. although their sat average is quite high so are the incidences of: boy on boy trasnmitted stds, cutting, drug addiction to inferior flake and hemophilia. the inbred nature of the breeding stock (mummsies and daddsies) has led to numerous cleft palates, extra toes and, in some cases, children fathered by the poolboy.

those who do graduate (without a prolasped -n-s) will go on to fail out of ivy league and second tier schools but catch on selling used cars, being fitness trainers or peddling drugs at middle schools.

let’s go score some flake from richard, he failed out of princeton after knox grammar.