Lake In The Hills

a suburban town in the far nw burbs of chicago. once inhabited by small town folk it has now been repopulated with chicago yuppies who for some reason enjoy having to commute an hour downtown to work everyday. most likely due to the fact that they want to be seen in their shiny new bmw, mercedes, or hummer. a must have in order to be granted residency. another qualification is being oblivious to absurdly high property taxes. which are necessary because very few businesses call lake in the hills home…and someone has to pay for the military grade fleet of government vehicles…those bright orange automobiles you see everywhere. it was one of the fastest growing towns in the country several years running. which isn’t saying much other then we know how to rape and pillage the land better then others. who needs a forest when you can have boulder ridge, costco, and a handful of strip malls eh? lake in the hills is seperated into 2 sections. old and new. new is anything on randal rd. and westward. old consists of any home east of randal rd.

also referred to as “the hills” by locals. not to be confused with mtv’s show…although the similarities are plentiful. on the tv show everyone is white, clean, well off, and blissfully caught up in their own lives…that sums up lake in the hills population. if you’re feeling extra lazy you can just call lake in the hills…algonquin. which is next door and home to all our shopping needs.

some local landmarks are…oh who am i kidding. we’ve torn down anything of historical significance.

i need to get out of lake in the hills before it swallows me alive and spits me out an argyle wearing, spiked starbucks drinking, milf going through a permanent mid-life crisis.

if towns were like family members, lake in the hills, illinois is like that little brother that used to be adorable, but now is going through that really awkward and fugly stage. no one cuts the kid slack anymore because his face is really chubby and his permanent teeth resemble a “battle of epic proportions”. lake in the hills always has a grease stain on his shirt and a big chocolate smear on his upper lip. the little brat is always whining about “subsidiary tax impositions” and “-n-l seepage”.
me: “crystal lake has officially made lake in the hills her b-tch.”
danny: “yeah, i read that in the herald this morning”
me: “you were reading while a-pounding herald?”
danny: “i had a little down time”