lifeguard

the best job you could ever have. its a wonderful job where you get to work outside, meet new people everyday, and gain valuable experience for later in life. many people think that guards just sit around and work on their tans. yes, that is true to some extent, but there is a lot more to lifeguarding than most people think. guards have to clean the pool/bathrooms/surrounding areas, check chemicals, balance chemicals, write incident reports, perform pump/filter maintenance, clean skimmer baskets, etc.

managers have even more duties. they must do the scheduling for one or more facilities, make sure that the guards actually show up to work, and in general make sure that everyone is doing their job and that everything is running smoothly. and managers get paid pretty well.
17 year old manager: i love being a lifeguard. i just got a $1700 paycheck for two weeks of work. i think i’ll go shopping after i finish this week’s schedule and fire someone.
glorious beings who protect and serve the people of the pool. while sometimes mistaken for lazy for basking in the sunlight and getting tan, lifeguards maintain rigorous jobs – often times sacrificing themselves for the wellbeing of others.
a patron attacks lifeguard. lifeguard blocks away.
a person that sits around on stand that’s f-cking hot and gets amazingly, perfectly tanned all day, wears the f-nny pack with grace, blows that whistle how it should be blown ;), runs around in slow mo, lives for thunderstorms and save lives like a godd-mn g. best job in the whole world.
you: my friend shawn is a lifeguard.
me: oooh child, he must be gettin all dem chicks with his money, tan.. and the ability to blow whistles with his mouth to mouth abilities 😉
someone who provides a reasonable standard of care for adults and children at an aquatic facility, who helps enforce pool rules and rescue swimmers in distress.
the lifeguard told that kid to stop splashing his friend.
a real lifeguard works at the beach and keeps people safe from the ocean, not to be confused with a pool lifeguard who sits around and does nothing all summer. best, and easiest job on the planet. however, there is alot of downtime flooded by hours upon hours of boredom, silence, and isolation. making $10000 in a summer isn’t too shabby when all you do is chase after the most beautiful women in the world, aquire great communication skills, interacting with the public while keeping them safe..and oh ya the best part, rescuing people in huge surf and being a hero. nothing feels better than someone thanking you for saving their life. we deal with huge waves, broken necks and bones, we are all in great shape, we pull your fat tourist -sses out of the water, and change people’s lives by saving them. the coolest people you’ll ever meet is are ocean lifeguards. they put their lives at risk, to save yours.
did you hear about the guy at wedge that died?

did you hear about the b-llsy lifeguard that went out to rescue that guy?

it was 25ft.. holy sh-t that lifeguard is insane!
when you c-m onto a girls nose, and only her nose
kevin: i totally gave a chick a lifeguard last night, it got clogged in her nose

max: nice
person at a party designated to remain sober and handle any activities the extreme state of intoxication of the other party guests render them unable to perform. activities such as working the tv and/or dvd player, ordering drunk food, collecting car keys, cleaning up food/discarded clothing/spilled beer/vomit, preventing (or breaking up) fights, and talking to the police/security/neighbors .

a person whose job it is to facilitate a good time while at the same time preventing people from ending up in either jail or the hospital.

a secondary function of the lifeguard is to provide a supplement to facebook memory by providing a coherent record of the events of the party to everyone else the following morning. thus providing guests with a person to whom they can pose the question “what the f-ck did i do last night?”
nick: “who’s lifeguard tonight?”
jay: “greg’s got it”

nick: “i’m jonzing for some f-ckin’ wings”
jay: “dude, get the lifeguard to order some”

nick: “what the f-ck did i do last night?”
lifeguard: “you tried to jump off the f-cking balcony ’cause you thought you could fly”

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