Litchfield

an abnormally large p-n-s, generally found on those believed not to have one. occasionally hangs slightly to the left.
quit flicking my litchfield.
pretty, preppy little town in connecticut. filled with upper middle cl-ss, xenophobic families who have trouble accepting anyone who they didnt go to daycare with. the parents are typically pretentious, judgemental -ssholes and the kids are socially awkward. girls can usually be seen wearing hollister and abercrombie and weigh about two pounds. the boys are significantly less attractive but wear the same tacky fashions. everyone hear b-tches about how much their life sucks, which in a way it does, because there is legitimately nothing to do here. on occasion something really exciting happens, like a girl almost gets abducted, or someone does drugs, but usually everyone sits around in their antique houses, being swallowed up by their boredom. although this may look lik e the perfect place to raise a family, do not move here unless you want a child so boring they have to make an effort to keep from drooling all over their size zero hollister shirt.
“oh look, litchfields such a cute little town.”
“yeah but have you been to bantam?”
a town a lil left of east b-mf-ck where n-body has anything better to do than f-ck off. stuck in between manchester and nashua so no one knows where it is
where’s litchfield? is that near manchester?
astonishingly beautiful, absolutely definitive connecticut small town. like most great connecticut towns, has a “green”, and unlike most, the green is still the center of town. manages to be both richer than anyone you know, but still unpretentious — and unlike some towns, doesn’t rely on overaggressive policing to maintain it. to wit: i and several of my friends once romped around on the green for two hours, circa 2-4am, and not only didn’t get tossed out (or worse, tossed into a police cruiser), but we didn’t see another soul. also — although this goes back ten, fifteen years — the “town restaurant” (i think that used to be its actual name!) serves a fantastic hamburger in a cl-ssic pub/tavern setting. no, there’s not much “to do” in litchfield, but if you want to experience connecticut….its one of our proudest examples. this is what you think of when you think “connecticut”.
”to save the daughter of prince floopaloo, you must go and seek out the dreaded litch!”
”where can i find this fiend?”
”why, in litchfield, of course!”
n. where/when nothing is going on.
v. (litchfielding) doing nothing because nothing is going on.
n. this is litchfield right now.

v. i hate litchfielding because n-body ever wants to host.
the act of having s-x with someone really quickly and awfully, aka rabbit s-x
did you and ian have s-x?
yeah.. but he totally litchfielded me
alright… so if connecticut is nowhere… litchfield is the middle
“the answer: a place where nothing happens, there is nothing to do, and no one leaves their house. the question: what is litchfield?”

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