Magma Horn

the magma horn is a powerful staff used by gandalf the red. when slammed on the ground, hot embers explode from the surrounding area, resulting in a raining fire. anomalies erupt from the ground creating a super megacyclonic mega storm conversed with a fuglulightning storm creating lightning 50 million miles long, spreading through out the atmosphere and touching sp-ce itself. then the universe cracks open creating a gaping hole of time! time falls out of this hole polluting the earth. a liquid pool of hate and rage engulfs the universe. it spins and spins, the faster it spins the bigger it gets, the bigger it gets the faster it spins! then suddenly, it explodes! and the magma horn is free again, to corrupt the next world it happens to land on with the newly appointed gandalf the red.

seeing how powerful the magma horn is, you can see that it can only be used once, and very wisely! it is often described as a pine tree branch with hot embers on it. to make a magma horn, you bake a cookie, throw it in the fire, eat it.. get a pine tree branch, stick it in the fire for 20 minutes. pull it out, slam it and bam. universe ends in a spectacular display of boom.
the new praise of the nation is the magma horn. a pine tree branch lit by fire, engulfing the eyes of millions of poor poor souls.. it will soon converge to melt the entire land of north america and the surrounding continents. dissecting every innocent little frog with its magma strength soon here by ruling the universe with endless rant.