masturdate

to take oneself out when one has no date
i couldn’t find anyone to go out with me, so i decided to mast-rdate. i took myself out for dinner and a movie.
a term that was first coined on late night with conan o’brien. mast-rdate is an intentional pun of m-st-rb-t-. in this lewd yet satisfying activity, one will engage on an ordinary date with his/herself and with the objective to impress and please only themself. usually, a successful mast-rdate is followed by myriad hours of masturbation.
canada’s stop at third abstinence program condones that more teenagers should embrace the pleasures of a mast-rdate without shame and with an intact dignity.
to stay at home and m-st-rb-t- instead of going out and doing anything else. it’s a date, that rarely ends bad.
joe: “hey man wanna go to the game this sat-rday?”

brian: “sorry man i can’t, i got a mast-rdate on sat-rday.”

joe: “oh…”

brian: “yeah…”
doing things that one would normally do as a couple. such as seeing a movie or eating out. usually happens after a breakup.
campbell couldn’t get a date so he decided to mast-rdate and went to a movie.
a term synonymous with skypes-x, refers to a scheduled arrangement involving two ore more parties wherein mutual masturbation is conducted over a video chat session.
because john was deployed to afghanistan, he had to schedule a mast-rdate with his significant other in order to achieve self-satisfaction.
masturbating before a date so you don’t think about s-x the whole date. as seen in “there’s something about mary.”
jim: dude, are you ready for this double date with crystal and lisa?

jack: yeah. just let me mast-rdate first. lisa’s so hot, i don’t want to ruin this!